I am 75% packed, and mostly packed in my pod. I was trying to tell someone who I am today. (I know here we go with the Who I am bs again ;) ) I am so many people to so many people. The internet aids that. When it is time to be someone new I log out with one account and log in with another.
I have my personal account (the one that I write this blog in) and then my professional account (sometimes you will see me comment with that google account and I set that profile to refer to this blog....) and another account that is totally separate that s for a different business venture.
Here I am packing to go, I had a great dinner with one of my co-workers and her mother tonight and I thought to myself as I left the restaurant, am I ready to not be this person any more? The apprentice? Part of me is really ready to not work the insane hours, or deal with the unrealistic expectations. On some level that is what draws you together, going beyond the norm to accomplish something. I mean on some disassociative level is that not what the army is? Soldiers working together to bear the burdens of war, army spouses commiserating together to share the pastimes of deployment. There is something there that brings people together.
I would be lying if I told you I wasn't terrified of losing who I am in the whole wash of all the things I am doing right now. However in the same breath, Adam is more important to me then anything and I can say with conviction that making that a part of my identity is very easy for me. I think what i struggle with more, is how much time to put into hors stuff, and how much time to put into career related work. I have really done a lot of research in both things. Finding the balance is going to be the key.
As my therapist always gently reminds me,"Do you have to know that now?" and the truth is I don't. I really need my sleep now. So I am going to snatch some and try and let the worries hit the back burner and trust myself to do the right thing when the time comes. :) Wish me luck.
PS: T- if other army significant others didn't feel a little jealous about my butthead coming home, while their's is still away, I would think they were crazy. I get jealous of Caitlin who is totally army free ;) (and of course living happily ever after!), but I am counting my blessings for what I have.
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This is the face he makes when I won't give him kissys.
A place where the peculiarities of waiting for a loved one in Iraq show through. The strife, the sadness and against some odds the deep rooted love and happiness
Adam AKA Mina
This is the face he makes when I won't give him kissys.
About Me
- Jenna
- I am a new army wife, getting geared to tolerate my husband being back in Iraq for a second tour. We ended up being stop lossed. We recently got married and are ridiculously in love. This blog is about us and us coping.
Other Army Related Blogs
- [Almost] A Designer
- A Soldier's Wife
- Adam's Blog
- Displaced Dutchian
- Formerly Sailors Sweetie!
- Josie's Blog
- Lala's Blog
- Life of a Butterfly Wife
- Loquita's Blog
- Milspouse Comic
- Musings
- New Girl on Post
- Nicole's Thinking (Nat'l Guard Fiancee)
- Non -Essential Equipement (Military Wife)
- Quest for T
- She Who Waits (Marine)
- Wendy's Tiki Hut
- What She Said
2 comments:
Hey! Thanks for the special message. :)
I also related to you saying that he seemed like his old self. I really miss that "old self" when talking to my soldier. Sometimes its there; sometimes I wonder who it is I'm really talking to.
There are many different parts of us, aren't there? I applaud you feeling so comfortable with the possible 'identity change' while being with Adam. That is one of my greatest fears about a relationship. Perhaps it is because I am still pending a divorce/end of an identity I've had for nearly 16 years. I still think that I will be a different person at the end of this deployment. I hope that we will both be in the same place so that our relationship will be easy and perfect.
I guess, its exactly where it should be at any given time, right?
By the way, you know who you are and Adam does too. I think you will be able to maintain that, with some give and take, and still be the best version of YOU you can be.
Love ya girl!
I think life consists of a series of identities that we maintain and attempt to balance. Not in a multiple-personality type way, but things change with who comes in and who leaves your life and what happens and doesn't happen...and with those changes I think identity can change (not into something completely different necessarily.).
And I know what you mean about the jealousy...believe me, I have spent the last four years talking to different wives/girlfriends and feeling jealous. Your non-army time will come and when you look back on it you feel like a better person for having experienced it all. :)
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