HAPPY HAPPY!

I need someone to come eat stuff! I made Banana Muffins and breakfast (eggs and bacon), I prepped chicken wings and I am going to make Halloween Cookies too. I have some stuff for pizza dough as well.

The muffins turned out well, I was hoping the aroma would awake the roomies. NSL. SO I made some bacon. They all slept another 2 hours. lol, SO anyways I am enjoying the huge kitchen in this house.

So the wing recipe I am using, is here, I haven't tried it yet, but I am baking instead of frying for the obvious reasons.

Last week I made a chocolate cake and used peanut butter frosting and I had some left over peanut butter frosting . I thought it would be fun to do homemade oreos with the frosting, AND THEN I found cookie cutters from my room mate in Halloween style. Should be fun.

Maybe I will take pictures and post them!

So I have some stuff to eat, who wants to come over? I need to find some children to borrow.

The Search...

SUCKS! I hate looking for a job. I applied to a bunch of minimum wage places today because its a job. As much as it pains me to apply for these sort of jobs, I am going to go crazy if I stay in the house any longer. I would really like the extra income as well so we can start saving some money.

I applied to a bunch of research positions, and a kennel position. Then local movie theaters.... and Starbucks. I think if a position at whole foods comes open, and maybe Kinkos, maybe best buys geek squad. I don't know I have an appointment to meet with the head of equine reproduction to talk about the masters program. I am nervous, but my roommate says he is very approachable and nice.

I want either a job that is fun, pays well, or gives me good experience for a masters. I know that sounds sort of arbitrary, but I think I am done just "getting by." I can't and won't live my whole life that way and anyone who says anything other wise is just full of bullshit and unhappy. I don't want to end up that way.

I know if I have faith the right thing will come along, but some days that seems a little difficult. My horses will be here soon and I am sure that will make everything better.

Settled In

I like Fort Collins a lot. I would almost go as far as to say.... I might just love it. Maybe. My new house is great, my roommates are nice, kitchen is huge, there is space for my horses and all my stuff.I am really comfortable there. There is a Whole Foods next to a King Soupers and where I live you can see the stars really clearly. The person who owns the house lent me a comfortable futon until my stuff gets there, which was sweet. There is horse stuff everywhere, I practically salivate when I see indoor arenas. It's gotta be some sort of disease.

On the note of the grocery stores, I do miss the commissary. I can't believe how expensive groceries are when you are shopping at whole foods. Everything just looks really good there. Sigh. So now the job hunt. I have been looking. I don't want to get a fill in job unless I have to. I have done fill in jobs and now I want something that either gives me experience or makes a lot of money or is really fun. If it doesn't fit those criteria... well I don't know. It jsut seems liek jobs you "settle" for don't make sense in the long run. You are unhappy you don't work you hate it. It's not worth it. You gotta do something you can live with day in and day out.

Today was very funny I had to pee really bad while I was driving between Fort Collins and Colorado Springs and there are no restrooms between the two places so I pulled off and there was a Four Points Sheraton. So I peed there. Most people pee at a gas station or a McDonalds. Last time I was in San Fransisco there was no place to go downtown so I went at the downtown 4 Seasons. We just walked in like we were staying there. It worked. Pretty funny huh?

Well I am in C. Springs for some wrap up of projects and then I will be headed back up to Fort Collins. I am tempted to drive home this weekend and get some meat out of my Dads freezer, but I am tryign to wait until my sister's birthday so can pick up my horse too. Well really Adam's horse. I think he might be there in 2 weekends. I am sooo excited. I gotta get back in riding shape. Things are definitely looking up!

PS Thanks to Mina for the Beautiful Flowers

So Far Away

My husband asked me today why I didn't post on my blogga more. The reason: we have been arguing and I haven't felt like "airing my dirty laundry." I can't tell if it is a big deal or not, this deployment has been strangely harder then I thought it would be, and probably my greatest fear has been realized, Adam has seemed sort of like a different person. We both love each other still the same, but it seems like love, obligation and a joint checking account are all that holds us together these days. I know when he comes home and we see each other again that it will all be better because it always is and that is part of being married to an army man. Some days it seems like quite a strain to find something to talk about that will not set us off and we both tiptoe around whatever subject is difficult and it feels like the doubt and dread is palpable. Neither us of wants to say that thing that is going to drive the other crazy and neither of us is having "Happy Sunshine-y Days." Adam has gone on way more missions then he has heard reports of from other platoons (he has gone many more missions then he has heard the "average" in a short period of time), and I have had various successes with job hunting and I am still living in a very temporary position without most of our stuff. I was really sick two weekends ago, and then last weekend it was 18 degrees here for two days, icey on the roads and the outlet valves for black and grey water on the outside of the tanks froze shut. No potty or shower for two days until it thawed. I have fixed everything so that won't happen again, but it caught me off guard and was not fun. I have to say I am not our family's best handyman.

My experiments have been going well, but my job is so transitory its hard to make myself stick to any schedule and all three dogs have managed to get sick and at various times need antibiotics. Couple that with Adam needing some errands and me needing to deal with our auto insurance and to retrieve our pod back, getting out of bed in the morning and facing the day requires large amounts of effort. The funny thing it is not like I am totally alone all day or that I don't have pretty good friends here that helped me out when all the tough stuff happens, it seems the tough happens day in and day out and I am hoping this fog will lift soon. I went to the post office yesterday and I almost lost it at this ridiculous woman complaining and being very loudly rude about the dysfunction of the post office and how health care was headed the same way and I would have loved to shout at her or slap her, but I very kindly restrained myself. Then the freaking post office clerk was upset because I didn't declare exactly how many packets of ramen (which changed the value of the box by $3.00) I was sending and told me that my box could be confiscated if I failed to correctly declare the value of the package. If customs is confiscating soup and ramen, they really have nothing good to do. I looked at her and I said, "It would be just like if it was stolen, wouldn't it?" and she shut the fuck up. Thankfully. So I let Mac poop on the post office's lawn on the way in b/c he really had to go, and I was going to clean it up on the way out when I wasn't carrying everything and trying to get Adam's papers for promotion out, but I was so frustrated on the way out that I forgot. I kinda feel like it serves them right.

It's quarter to 6 and I haven't really eaten anything worth mention and because I am sticking to my diet again (with pretty good results, I have lost almost 20 lbs -- thank GOD) I am pretty limited on what I am allowed to eat and I haven't felt like cooking at all. I did make chicken soup last night but I have already eaten it 3 times. So I feel weak from not eating, but it is so much work to find the right food and cook them that I would almost rather be weak, and I am pretty sure this is how I got sick two weekends ago from not eating enough. Of course this makes me irritable, and makes me want to escape and spend money (that we really don't have) on tv shows games and movies. So I am trying to not do that either.

I know that Adam and I will work it out we always do. I feel a little sick in my stomach knowing there is this huge rift between us and no matter how we try to make it better it just seems to get bigger. We have a long time until even midtour leave. I am trying to busy myself with things I know make me feel better, but I feel like am leaving him behind more then ever when I do that. It is a tricky situation. Intellectually, in 20 years this stuff won't seem like a big deal, but right now it's consuming my life and I hate it. It's time for him to come home, no more stop loss, no more deployment. So please someone who can do something real about it, hear and bring him home safely as soon as possible. Before we both go crazy.

Hate is a strong word.....

...but I very much dislike the weekend. Everyone goes away back into their home and families and friends. The problem with being on the go all the time is you don't have friend you hang out with regularly and you friends do have friends they hang out with regularly. You are not on that list. It's so funny to me when people wish me a good weekend. I just dread it. Oh well

So anyways, last weekend I was really sick and that was no fun at all. This weekend I need to do laundry and maybe I will take some stuff up to Fort Collins. There has just been a torrent of not so great, not bad news just not so great news. My experiment isn't going well, my horse in training that I thought was going to be great isn't doing so well (but Adam's horse is doing really well so that makes me feel good), and Adam has a lot more work then I hoped, and keeps needing me to send things. I am having trouble with the PODS thing. It's starting to get cold and I have to go back to the lab tonight. You know that feeling when making and eating dinner seems like too much work? I am there. Normally, I got buy something, but we are trying to save money so I am not going to. Things have just seemed a little in a funk like the whole world is not quite right.

I hope you all are doing better and I have to remember what goes down will come up again, so I am not too worried. If I have one true talent it is weathering the sad times, I am champion at that. If they gave out medals for it, I would get one for sure.

Anti-Loneliness Precedure

I am flat out dragging my rear exhausted. I can barely move my finger. Why you might ask do I write anyways (despite the fact that my blog was "spam blocked")? To prove my point. Adam is gone, do I sit at home and mope (or just grumble because I am locked away from posting?), NO of course NOT I get really busy. As the Craig Morgan country song goes: "Work, work, work, all day long, Crank it up, back it up, bring it on home," then my day goes feed the dogs and rush off to the next thing. I climb through the door on my little airstream and walk the 10 feet to my bed, climb in and shed my clothes, and then I lay there. I contemplate what is the latest I can get up tomorrow and still get everything done?

I keep thinking I am going to have some quiet moments to read up on some notes or fill out my lab notebook or get ahead on my procedure. Nope. No quiet minutes. I spend more time on the dogs food stuff for my sick - o puppies dogs than anything else. Then Adam will get on late and want to talk and it's all I can do to stay awake. I am too worm out ot be lonely. It's a good kinda worn out though. Rinse, Lather, Repeat. :)