Wiggly

My whole life is wiggly right now. Can't be pinned down at any one place. I talked to Adam last night and his comment was, it's only a couple more months. He is only looking to the end of the deployment. Very funny. I am looking beyond the deployment into the "rest of our lives." I was talking to my Dad the other day about all the stuff I had going on in my life personally and his comment was,"We have a lot of balls in play right now." That hits the nail on the head to say the least. My little sister is having a lot of problems with my mother and it's starting to take its toll on both of us. People keep telling me, it's not that bad, and then I tell them after hearing some of my stories that they are welcome to try and spend a week living with her. Their instant reaction is no way in hell. Then I ask them, "Then how can you tell me I should let her go back for several months if you won't even spend a week?" Doesn't seem fair. Then they tell me it is not my responsibility. If it is not my responsibility, then whose is it?

So I have been doing a lot of horseback riding and thinking. I have always wanted to start my own line of western shirts. I don't know a ton about it, but go to any event and there is a serious need. These events require that the shirts be tucked in and 99% of the women's shirts made are too short, and the sleeves are too short. I paid to have some gorgeous designs drawn up and I love them, I would have to get samples and different sizings made. I have a logo and a name for the company. The big name shirt companies often make one or two performance shirts a season. One season they were mostly pink. If you don't want a pink shirt your are out of luck. I would imagine the shirts I would produce would be more expensive then the average Western shirt, but I would expect the quality and the fit to be superb. I don't know enough about the market to know if it would hold such a company. There are some tests you can do to find out what initial response is so I guess the next thing to do is have some samples made and try it. After having my last business idea flop I am not excited about failing again. I guess you could say I a pretty scared to try. I thought about maybe putting together a business and taking it to a big clothing company and seeing if they were interested. I have a feeling they would just steal my ideas. I don't know do you guys think? Get a normal 9-5 and give on my grand dreams? Or charge into my grand schemes and learn to tolerate failure if I do fail?

I don't know. Today I thought about all the stuff going in my life and how I couldn't really talk about a ton of it because so many people I know read my blog. So I disconnected my blog from my facebook and tried to get a little more personal and tell you real stuff rather then just beating around the bush about everything that is going on because really what's the point? I am who I am and if I don't fit in with Bob and Jane's so-called normal life I don't. I live in a world where I was told I could grow up to be anything and that I should be innovative and amazing and inventive. I have had the opportunity to do some amazing things, but now that I have to stand on my own two legs, on my own laurels I am not sure I am doing that. I feel like I am waiting for stuff to happen to me. It' not a great feeling I have to say. One of my faults is that I rush into things and tire of them quickly. Thus I hesitate to start things because I never know how long I will be interested in something. So instead of deciding things I waffle. Once you make a decision you stuck with it until you can get out of it. How long do you have to stick with something before you decide it's not right? My last job? 3 pay periods.... I hated it.... My house in Fort Collins, 6 months, it's just not working for me it's too expensive for what I am getting, and I am not hanging out with people who are moving me forward. Fort Collins as a city: I am taking a break, I haven't found a job I like and I am still not sure about the snow and cold winters.

It's all wiggly.