T-day and Missing Adam

Holidays are bar none the most stressful time of the year for me. I tend to freak out really easily during this time. Last year Adam and I did T-day together without anyone else around because it was the first time we had seen each other in 4 years. I think that 2 hour shuttle from the airport where the most anxiety inducing in my entire life. I was nervous, excited, scared all of it rolled into one. That first hour we hung out was a total revelation. We hadn't changed at all, it was like I had seen him yesterday. Regardless we had a lot of kinks to work out, and we have worked a lot out in a year. I would definitely say we have gone from people who were trying it figure out their lives and then put them together to people who are making life plans together.

It seems like eons ago and I know it was only a year. A year ago I was in college, floating along in college life.

Though making plans like that with someone gives you some solidness. I worry that my whole life is going to revolve around Adam, and when we were younger we both needed to go to college and live our lives. Now I can say he is my life and thats what I care about, in a less clingy and needy way. I have been slightly worried about the possibility of another deployment, I thought there was no way he would be going back now there is a slight chance. You know you just can't know until you are there in the moment what is going to happen. I have faith that Adam, I and God can make work.

I'm happy to be going to Adam's Mom house, less anxiety then visiting my family. I know my Mom would be sad if she knew I chose to not come to visit her, but I don't think I can deal with all those old ghosts that live with her right now. I will visit her soon. Though I will really miss Dad. :( He is overseas though. I will mostly miss Adam, for making the holiday a little less scary, and a little saner. On the bright side, hopefully this will be the last holiday that I will have to be away from him.