It's Adam's Mom's birthday! If she wasn't born Adam could have never been born. And what good boy he was able to call her. :) He such a good guy. When they get off she gets me to give me an update. He sounds like he is his "normal"self. That is good to hear. Today was ok. I did what all grieving people do. I made and ate comfort food. ALL DAY. It was insane.
Blogger Personal Opinion BELOW
Ok I would love to know what people think about a television in the bedroom. People who are into feng shui think television in the bedroom is bad and drained the energy out of the room. I kind of feel the same way. HOWEVER, I do like to put my computer to play anime (Japanese cartoons) and that is comforting and helps me sleep. So whats the difference you ask between your computer and tv? 2 things, one television is one directional, to me, and two there is not mandatory ads on my computer like there are on tv. So while tv seems draining, computer seems slightly dysfunctional (read not restful), but sometimes calm if it is not over stimulating. I have this weird love hate relationship with tv and sleep. If I am watching regular tv I cannot sleep unless I am sick. If I am sick, then I almost need to watch tv to occupy my mind to sleep.
Anyways, I know that our bedroom in Washington will need to be really clutter free. I think it is true that to much stuff in he bedroom detracts. I know Adam really wants a simple bedroom.
In 7 days, they should deliver the pod so I can pack it. Then I have 5 days to pack it. Then I will have no stuff for 6 days, then I will drive to Washington with Pam. Then I will fly back, load up my horses, say a sad good bye to my house, and start driving with my horses. I have to go to Wyoming and figure out which horses I am taking. It all seems far away, but not far, just tangible. Which is INSANE.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It is all I can do..
to write in my blog tonight. You know sometimes being who you are in a place you don't fit in is just what you have to do. No more excuses. Lately it has been easier then in the past to be "who I am." Whoever the hell that is. I had a frustrating day. So I called my best friend Melissa and she let me yell at the phone for an hour. Very cathartic. I think that if I didn't have a friend like her, I would most certainly go crazy. She confirms that I am not going insane, that my circumstances sometimes don't make any SENSE and that if we were reversed I would tell her to quit her job, and she is right. I would. Maybe.
I truly believe that most things happen for a reason. I don't mean that there is some obvious destiny plan way that my life is supposed to happen. Instead I believe that God gives me opportunities to learn something, and that there is something that can be gained out of every situation, even if it is just that I must be building up good karma because I can't see any value in X. Or maybe I am supposed to learn to get myself out of bad situations. Whatever the lesson is supposed to be I am sure there is a lesson anyways. I have been learning a lot about myself this last month or so.
Melissa firmly believes that life isn't fair, and it is never so why get hung up in the fact that somethings are really unfair. I think that we should strive for fairness, even though it is not often achievable.
I tend to be responsible, at least I like to think I am. Unfortunately, people don't like responsible people is my conclusion. I have always been the "boring" goody two-shoes (where the hell did that saying come from anyways!?!?). In that way I am not adventurous or brave, I don't like breaking the rules or laws or not having a plan or taking responsibility for things that could get me into trouble. When people joe and laugh about the super stupid and irresponsible things they have done, it makes me feel ill. It's not funny, it is lucky that nothing worse happened. I know I am a down when I fail to find humor in theses situations. Sorry. I just cannot believe how irresponsible some people when they make their life choices. I don't find it funny when people joke about being married young and being clueless, making uninformed, selfish choices, and being miserable. That's just sad. I am not the type of person who can put on a smile and pretend like I think it is. I can't and I won't, there is no reason to.
Anyways, we had to take a very nice horse to vet because she got sick and we are all worried about her. I hope she gets better soon and doesn't need surgery. I am tired of being undervalued. But people make their choices, and maybe it is the right choice for them and they are being true to themselves, and you can't help them no matter how much you want to. Especially if they don't want help. Which is exactly what it feel like right now. I am glad I can see that I try to not take it so personally, because my feelings get hurt really easily.
Moving on! Adam got online last night and told me I MUST bring the trunk to Washington. Cool I am glad someone decided. I am trying to figure out how to get to Washington with my work schedule and I think I am just going to have to flat out tell them what I need to do, and not ask. I just have to make sure I am in the right mind set when I do that so I don't act childish. HMM food for thought anyways.
(( I had very bad grammar through out this blog post, I do apologize.))
UPDATE:: Just found out that the horse had to be put down. Going to be a REALLY hard day tomorrow.
I truly believe that most things happen for a reason. I don't mean that there is some obvious destiny plan way that my life is supposed to happen. Instead I believe that God gives me opportunities to learn something, and that there is something that can be gained out of every situation, even if it is just that I must be building up good karma because I can't see any value in X. Or maybe I am supposed to learn to get myself out of bad situations. Whatever the lesson is supposed to be I am sure there is a lesson anyways. I have been learning a lot about myself this last month or so.
Melissa firmly believes that life isn't fair, and it is never so why get hung up in the fact that somethings are really unfair. I think that we should strive for fairness, even though it is not often achievable.
I tend to be responsible, at least I like to think I am. Unfortunately, people don't like responsible people is my conclusion. I have always been the "boring" goody two-shoes (where the hell did that saying come from anyways!?!?). In that way I am not adventurous or brave, I don't like breaking the rules or laws or not having a plan or taking responsibility for things that could get me into trouble. When people joe and laugh about the super stupid and irresponsible things they have done, it makes me feel ill. It's not funny, it is lucky that nothing worse happened. I know I am a down when I fail to find humor in theses situations. Sorry. I just cannot believe how irresponsible some people when they make their life choices. I don't find it funny when people joke about being married young and being clueless, making uninformed, selfish choices, and being miserable. That's just sad. I am not the type of person who can put on a smile and pretend like I think it is. I can't and I won't, there is no reason to.
Anyways, we had to take a very nice horse to vet because she got sick and we are all worried about her. I hope she gets better soon and doesn't need surgery. I am tired of being undervalued. But people make their choices, and maybe it is the right choice for them and they are being true to themselves, and you can't help them no matter how much you want to. Especially if they don't want help. Which is exactly what it feel like right now. I am glad I can see that I try to not take it so personally, because my feelings get hurt really easily.
Moving on! Adam got online last night and told me I MUST bring the trunk to Washington. Cool I am glad someone decided. I am trying to figure out how to get to Washington with my work schedule and I think I am just going to have to flat out tell them what I need to do, and not ask. I just have to make sure I am in the right mind set when I do that so I don't act childish. HMM food for thought anyways.
(( I had very bad grammar through out this blog post, I do apologize.))
UPDATE:: Just found out that the horse had to be put down. Going to be a REALLY hard day tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
BETCHA FOALED!
Adam and I are now the proud human parents of Betcha's new dun stud colt. I have not seen him personally, BUT I have heard he is quite handsome. I will be visiting him at the end of May and I will be sure to take plenty of pictures. I was really hoping for a filly (girl), but I have heard the little guy is quite handsome and has a small star on his forehead. I am so very excited to go visit. I had a hard time getting her bred she just wouldn't stay in foal and now, she has a beautiful baby on the ground. The baby is in NM, with Mommy, and Betcha is going to get rebred back to the same stallion. So I am purdy dang excited.
In other bnews I made a lot of cake tonight. I made a Genoise with Strawberries and Cream. It's kind of a complicated cake but it is really delicious. The first cake i made I wasn't careful enough with, so I quickly whipped up another one. Now that I have really had nothing but strawberries and whipped cream and cake I feel sick! But I have mastered a new cake technique.
Today was ok, someone asked how soon until Adam comes home. Now it seems SOON. If everything goes according to plan (which it rarely does) I am soon closing in on the the time to move to Washington (I was more specific but Adam got on and said CHANGE IT, too specific). Obviously, I can't really say much more than that. I am really just trying to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. :) I have a countdown in my head. Part of me is excited and part of me is like CRAP, I have a LOT to do between now and then. Packing my house seems like a lot of work in some respects, but in others its seems kind of normal and very manageable. I should time myself to see how long it actually takes me because I have moved ALL MY LIFE, and particularly a lot in the last couple of years due to college. So. I have kind of gotten to the point where moving is just a part of living. I have several days of packing ahead, but since I have had it on my mind for a while, I have been trying not to buy stuff I have to move, and I unpacked things in a way that they would be easy to pack up again.
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW AND LOVE (BUTTHEAD) I save the original boxes for this, I keep them until I move, then I know whether or not I needed it to pack that way expensive things go back in the boxes they came out of and are protected in their travels, unlike someones huge unwieldy television. ;) Some of my furniture I knew was going to be temporary, so I am not hurt that it will stay behind. Less to pack. Hopefully we will be in our new place a while. IE longer then 9 months. I am so freaking sick of moving it's insane. I am really to have a place we can personalize a little. Rather then just another white walled apartment.
Well I am super excited about my foal. I can't wait to see him.
In other bnews I made a lot of cake tonight. I made a Genoise with Strawberries and Cream. It's kind of a complicated cake but it is really delicious. The first cake i made I wasn't careful enough with, so I quickly whipped up another one. Now that I have really had nothing but strawberries and whipped cream and cake I feel sick! But I have mastered a new cake technique.
Today was ok, someone asked how soon until Adam comes home. Now it seems SOON. If everything goes according to plan (which it rarely does) I am soon closing in on the the time to move to Washington (I was more specific but Adam got on and said CHANGE IT, too specific). Obviously, I can't really say much more than that. I am really just trying to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. :) I have a countdown in my head. Part of me is excited and part of me is like CRAP, I have a LOT to do between now and then. Packing my house seems like a lot of work in some respects, but in others its seems kind of normal and very manageable. I should time myself to see how long it actually takes me because I have moved ALL MY LIFE, and particularly a lot in the last couple of years due to college. So. I have kind of gotten to the point where moving is just a part of living. I have several days of packing ahead, but since I have had it on my mind for a while, I have been trying not to buy stuff I have to move, and I unpacked things in a way that they would be easy to pack up again.
UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I KNOW AND LOVE (BUTTHEAD) I save the original boxes for this, I keep them until I move, then I know whether or not I needed it to pack that way expensive things go back in the boxes they came out of and are protected in their travels, unlike someones huge unwieldy television. ;) Some of my furniture I knew was going to be temporary, so I am not hurt that it will stay behind. Less to pack. Hopefully we will be in our new place a while. IE longer then 9 months. I am so freaking sick of moving it's insane. I am really to have a place we can personalize a little. Rather then just another white walled apartment.
Well I am super excited about my foal. I can't wait to see him.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Forward Group?
I guess Adam's forward group came home a couple days ago. It was explained to me that means there is a serious increase of likely hood that he will come home when they say he will! It might be real folks. I just don't believe it.
I started figuring out my schedule to make my way to Washington. When I am flying, when I am driving what I am taking home, what I am packing in my pod, and what will actually fit in my horse trailer and there for is going to Washington by default. The biggest thing is what am I going to do with my trunk. Right now I use it as a coffee table. It is a little high though. I guess I could take it and put a piece of glass on it and make look like a real coffee table. Some how it is almost the same color as the chairs, so it looks sort of awkward. I am thinking about just taking it home to Wyoming because it doesn't really fit anywhere in the new apartment. I wonder if Adam has this trunk. I don't think he has. I bought it at an auction for 10$, its an antique. My stepfather and i sanded and cleaned and painted it. I have taken it almost every where with me. I think he has seen it. MINA IT WAS IN THE GARAGE! DO YOU REMEMBER? DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BRING IT TO WASHINGTON? ((I don't think he can hear me))
So close but yet so far...I mean it really does seem like Never Never Land. Adam definitely qualifies as Peter Pan. He was Peter Pan one year for Halloween, I have the pictures of him in green tights to prove it. He loved those green tights :D, he wore them all the time after Halloween, when he was cold, under his jeans. Good thing that sort of stuff doesn't embarrass him. I declined to be Wendy and instead was Captain Hook, I spray painted my hair black, he didn't even recognize me. :( No One did.
Today was a good day. I bought a lot of tack today and ran a bunch of errands. I rode my horses.
That's all I feel like writing today. I am feeling less then prolific. :D
As a side note, I do have to say I have some Texas readers, and I complain about Texas a lot and to those readers I apologize. It's just not my permanent place. I don't think people really get me here and that's okay.
I started figuring out my schedule to make my way to Washington. When I am flying, when I am driving what I am taking home, what I am packing in my pod, and what will actually fit in my horse trailer and there for is going to Washington by default. The biggest thing is what am I going to do with my trunk. Right now I use it as a coffee table. It is a little high though. I guess I could take it and put a piece of glass on it and make look like a real coffee table. Some how it is almost the same color as the chairs, so it looks sort of awkward. I am thinking about just taking it home to Wyoming because it doesn't really fit anywhere in the new apartment. I wonder if Adam has this trunk. I don't think he has. I bought it at an auction for 10$, its an antique. My stepfather and i sanded and cleaned and painted it. I have taken it almost every where with me. I think he has seen it. MINA IT WAS IN THE GARAGE! DO YOU REMEMBER? DO YOU THINK I SHOULD BRING IT TO WASHINGTON? ((I don't think he can hear me))
So close but yet so far...I mean it really does seem like Never Never Land. Adam definitely qualifies as Peter Pan. He was Peter Pan one year for Halloween, I have the pictures of him in green tights to prove it. He loved those green tights :D, he wore them all the time after Halloween, when he was cold, under his jeans. Good thing that sort of stuff doesn't embarrass him. I declined to be Wendy and instead was Captain Hook, I spray painted my hair black, he didn't even recognize me. :( No One did.
Today was a good day. I bought a lot of tack today and ran a bunch of errands. I rode my horses.
That's all I feel like writing today. I am feeling less then prolific. :D
As a side note, I do have to say I have some Texas readers, and I complain about Texas a lot and to those readers I apologize. It's just not my permanent place. I don't think people really get me here and that's okay.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
update
I should really be sleeping. Horse show went okay, I wonder if I worked my horse too hard today, I will know tomorrow. Her back seemed maybe a little sore. If that is the case, I don't think I will show her tomorrow. That would be a bummer. We placed in half our classes, that is good.
That spider bite on my leg has swollen up again. I am not sure why, I don't think it is a good sign.
Adam got online this morning. He has stopped eating junk food. I used to ream on him all the time about his bad eating habits. I bought him pringles to send to him. He said,"Don't send them." Boy don't I feel like schmuck? I have been eating horridly and my waistline is reflecting that.
Adam must be in amazing shape. No longer eating junk food, exercising like crazy, and working out when he has the time. He is going to come home all muscle and I am going to be all blobby. Great. Well at least I will be soft and cuddly.
I was so tired I almost drove off the road and I dropped my laptop on the floor. Not terribly bright. It is my turn to feed in the morning, so I will get up early and go feed then come back home and maybe go back to bed.
I have already decided in my new apartment I am going to get black out curtains so I cna sleep whenever I want. Currently, all I have are blinds. I love Ikea, I know we are going to find some great stuff there for really good prices.I am going to actually try decorating a place so it doesn't look like a bunch of college students live there. Adam said he would help. Should be exciting.
So my talk with Adam this morning was quite uneventful. He didn't have much to say, and I was sort of whiny. Lucky Adam. I get to mark another day off my calendar and I can't wait until he comes home. Duh, I wonder how many times I have said that over the course of this blog....
Anyways, despite all the caffeine I had to help me get home, I think I might be ready to try and sleep.
That spider bite on my leg has swollen up again. I am not sure why, I don't think it is a good sign.
Adam got online this morning. He has stopped eating junk food. I used to ream on him all the time about his bad eating habits. I bought him pringles to send to him. He said,"Don't send them." Boy don't I feel like schmuck? I have been eating horridly and my waistline is reflecting that.
Adam must be in amazing shape. No longer eating junk food, exercising like crazy, and working out when he has the time. He is going to come home all muscle and I am going to be all blobby. Great. Well at least I will be soft and cuddly.
I was so tired I almost drove off the road and I dropped my laptop on the floor. Not terribly bright. It is my turn to feed in the morning, so I will get up early and go feed then come back home and maybe go back to bed.
I have already decided in my new apartment I am going to get black out curtains so I cna sleep whenever I want. Currently, all I have are blinds. I love Ikea, I know we are going to find some great stuff there for really good prices.I am going to actually try decorating a place so it doesn't look like a bunch of college students live there. Adam said he would help. Should be exciting.
So my talk with Adam this morning was quite uneventful. He didn't have much to say, and I was sort of whiny. Lucky Adam. I get to mark another day off my calendar and I can't wait until he comes home. Duh, I wonder how many times I have said that over the course of this blog....
Anyways, despite all the caffeine I had to help me get home, I think I might be ready to try and sleep.
Friday, May 2, 2008
I have...
......killed 4 huge spiders. 4! This means that I keep thinking there is something crawling on me and nothing is there. Sigh. I got bit by a spider about a month ago and it was really gross for about 5 days. It took a long time to totally heal.
......taken your advice and cleaned my house, it feels much better. It's not totally clean, but it is way nicer. I took all the junk out of my room and put it in my living room! Yeay for the living room.
...... assembled a $20 walmart grill. It's basically a camp grill. I am sure it will work poorly when I try to make it work.
......done two loads of laundry, a load of dishes, hand washed 90% of the hand wash dishes, put away all my winter clothes, and swept the kitchen floor.
...... done some interpretive writing and drawing about why I am so out of it, and why I am so stressed out and anxious. It helped put things into perspective, but didn't really solve the feelings, just rationalized them. Meh.
...... read all my blog-roll blogs and commented where I felt like I had something useful or relevant to say.
...... eaten everything in the house. First I started out eating healthy, then I ate a bunch of crap (like cookie dough, and a couple little debbie snack cakes, and a regular coke.....) then I finished up with some healthy-ish stuff. I did end up eating pizza and coke today, Adam's two favorite foods. I think it is a little sick how I obsess about what I eat. It's such a girl thing to do. Such an American thing to do as well. Sigh. Refusing to think about it.
I am super nervous about going to the show tomorrow. I have to show by myself and I have a feeling I won't have hardly any support. I am also refusing to think about that. Yeay for coping and denial.
Note: Rereading this post I sound incredibly negative. I swear I am not that down, it's just late night syndrome, and I am alone in my house. I love reading everyone else's blogs right now. :P I figure you guys get sick of hearing me be sappy about my butthead. Some days being creative is way too much work, and I have to be simply not creative and regular. So bleh, that is the point of having a blog right? Not performing for other people. I still do. There is no where I can escape that, only Adam and my personal handwritten journal. I miss my butthead. I am sending my love to him, and to everyone who is missing THEIR butthead as well.
PS: HMC = Howl's Moving Castle
......taken your advice and cleaned my house, it feels much better. It's not totally clean, but it is way nicer. I took all the junk out of my room and put it in my living room! Yeay for the living room.
...... assembled a $20 walmart grill. It's basically a camp grill. I am sure it will work poorly when I try to make it work.
......done two loads of laundry, a load of dishes, hand washed 90% of the hand wash dishes, put away all my winter clothes, and swept the kitchen floor.
...... done some interpretive writing and drawing about why I am so out of it, and why I am so stressed out and anxious. It helped put things into perspective, but didn't really solve the feelings, just rationalized them. Meh.
...... read all my blog-roll blogs and commented where I felt like I had something useful or relevant to say.
...... eaten everything in the house. First I started out eating healthy, then I ate a bunch of crap (like cookie dough, and a couple little debbie snack cakes, and a regular coke.....) then I finished up with some healthy-ish stuff. I did end up eating pizza and coke today, Adam's two favorite foods. I think it is a little sick how I obsess about what I eat. It's such a girl thing to do. Such an American thing to do as well. Sigh. Refusing to think about it.
I am super nervous about going to the show tomorrow. I have to show by myself and I have a feeling I won't have hardly any support. I am also refusing to think about that. Yeay for coping and denial.
Note: Rereading this post I sound incredibly negative. I swear I am not that down, it's just late night syndrome, and I am alone in my house. I love reading everyone else's blogs right now. :P I figure you guys get sick of hearing me be sappy about my butthead. Some days being creative is way too much work, and I have to be simply not creative and regular. So bleh, that is the point of having a blog right? Not performing for other people. I still do. There is no where I can escape that, only Adam and my personal handwritten journal. I miss my butthead. I am sending my love to him, and to everyone who is missing THEIR butthead as well.
PS: HMC = Howl's Moving Castle
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Prince Charming
I heard from Adam today just as I was getting to work he imed. Not the greatest timing, but he was as cute and sweet as ever. He got me a "temporary gift." I am not sure what a temporary gift is and if I will ahve to give it back lol but it sounds like it might be relaxing.
I have to keep this post short because I can barely see around my eye shields and it's driving me up the wall and making me irritable. I have tomorrow morning off. I am going to do all the relaxing things you guys suggested starting with cleaning the house. I need to start packing a little. I had to go into Dallas today and I had to wait out the rush hour traffic so I sat in Starbucks for a while and had a green tea latte. I love those. Coffee is too hard on me. It makes my heart race.
Anyways, best wishes to my knight in rusty armor (as he likes to call him self), and I hope I get to talk to him again soon, but for now I gotta sleep. I didn't hardly sleep last night. I had to bring out my spring comforter, when I get too hot I have bad nightmares and the last couple days I have been waking up totally sweaty and not happy. SO, I had to fix that.
PS I m going to watch HMC ..... again....
I have to keep this post short because I can barely see around my eye shields and it's driving me up the wall and making me irritable. I have tomorrow morning off. I am going to do all the relaxing things you guys suggested starting with cleaning the house. I need to start packing a little. I had to go into Dallas today and I had to wait out the rush hour traffic so I sat in Starbucks for a while and had a green tea latte. I love those. Coffee is too hard on me. It makes my heart race.
Anyways, best wishes to my knight in rusty armor (as he likes to call him self), and I hope I get to talk to him again soon, but for now I gotta sleep. I didn't hardly sleep last night. I had to bring out my spring comforter, when I get too hot I have bad nightmares and the last couple days I have been waking up totally sweaty and not happy. SO, I had to fix that.
PS I m going to watch HMC ..... again....
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