Friday, September 19, 2008

Taco Salad is yummy -- 4 am sucks

but not as bad as I thought it would. I had to drive butthead to work today because the truck was still at the oil change place. Of course this morning he had a battalion run soooooo we got to be there at 5 am instead of 6 am. Ugh.

It wasn't that bad. I like to be able to see him in the morning even if he is a total grouch. :) Some days we are so disorganized it is like how the hell did we get this far in life? Ugh and double ugh. I saw Caitlin's blog about recipes and I have been following New Girl on Post's idea about the recipe's a little, I have just been so busy ( I know, Sid Lovely, I read about being in the moment and I totally agree, it is something I work on ALL THE TIME ;) ) I haven't had a chance. I wrote about a frustration I had the other day and hurt a good friend's feelings so I have been a little jaded about the whole intarweb lately. Eventually I will go look at the recipe site, but I know I am going to get sucked in for hours on end and so I am currently resisting. I will find some time soon.
Meanwhile I will tell you about my recent army observations, and my favorite recipe that is so dang easy and everyone always loves it.

Taco Salad
1 bag your favorite tortilla chips ( I like the tostitos scoops)
1 lb chicken/ ground beef/ ground turkey/ ground elk (venison)/ antelope steak
thyme
garlic
onion ( I like the red/ purple variety)
salsa (I like the corn and black bean kind)
shredded cheese
refried beans or black beans
bagged spinich or salad
guacamole (if you like it) or avocados
olive oil

In a pan, put olive oil / diced onion/ garlic, give it a minute then add meat and sprinkle thyme over it (or if you have the thyme leaves, add the leaves), some people add cayenne here as well but it can be over powering.

While that cooks in a large serving bowl platter whatever line with chips. Add salad and sprinkle with cheese. If you do not have picky eaters, reheat beans and pour over the top. When meat is done cooking spread evenly over salad. Put salsa and sour cream on table with spoons. If you have avocado you can spread it over the top as well and I keep some chips on hand in a bowl in case people get chip shorted. Serve and enjoy. This is really quick and easy. My Mom omits the garlic and onion/ spices and pours a jar of mild or medium salsa in with the meat as it cooks, this is great if you have lean meat (especially game meat) and you are worried about it being dry. I put extra of everything on the table as well so people can add more beans or whatever if they want. this is a messy dinner, but one of my very favorites, and so DANG easy and quick, all you really have to do is cook the meat and assemble a salad.

I have a recipe for guacamole and I can post that as well sometime.

So now observations of behavior on base that strike me as funny. When ever I see and older enlisted person, I automatically assume they are a high rank and hunt for their rank on their clothing, often they are in pts which have no rank. So I feel like saying to them,"What is your rank so I know how polite I have to be?" Yesterday we were at the mall and there was a silver hummer that had all the amenities and a vanity plate that said sgt(so and so). I thought it was a little strange, and Adam, said,"He must be some sort of packing clerk who tells people that he is in the army and a real solider," and he went on to do this halarious impression of a guy who things he is so cool because he is in the army even though all he does is serve soldiers packages, "and is only open for about 2 hours a day when everyone is at work so they can never pick up their packages" and "plays video games in the back room the other 6 hours of the day." This character has "an m-16 that they won't even give me ammo for (because I have never actually been trained to use it)." At this point I am like rolling on the floor laffing. Adam can be so dang funny. I think he should do stand up. He thinks only I think he is funny.

We did have a moment similar to this where we were trying to get some weapons registered and he got off work and we hurried over there before they close and we literally were the last ones there, and it was 4:35 and all we needed was him to look it over and give us one quick signature and the guy told us to come back tomorrow. They open at 07:30, and close at 16:30. Both of which times Adam is likely still at work. How frustrating. I couldn't believe that guy didn't help us, it was truly a crappy thing to do. Whatever. The gate people are nice. I am getting used to base. I pretty much know my way around. The only thing I can buy without Adam is food, but I do really like being able to go on base because I am allowed to now. I am part of one of the world's strangest clubs where the rules and traditions and behaviors almost always make me laugh.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Yesterday was a slow day in the blogosphere...

I tried to make yesterday good, I really did. It just didn't want to be good. I almost hit a car in the parking lot, I got a call that the one of the foals had died, I talked to my mother and she sounds crazier then ever. Then we played WoW and the people we were playing with, who are good friends of ours were just not attentive and let us die and we didn't finish the instance.

Oh well today is going to have to be better. I am just tired of bad days. I don't want any more to darken my door step.

Anyways, I really wish this apartment came with a big bathtub. I love bathtubs. Really big ones. Adam doesn't like baths. I could lay in a bath for 4-5 easily depending on the size of the tub. I have been the swimmer and water child. We are starting to look for a new place and I am worried about even looking because I just KNOW it is going to be a ton of work. I need a place that is CLOSE to base, has a garage or basement, and has room for 2-4 horses. Then I am going to need to haul hay from Wyoming. Hmmm it shouldn't be that bad. One of Adam's army buddies offered to rent a room, and he is really a cool guy, I like him, that lets me look for bigger places. Which is cool and gives me more options. Anyways I guess I will call a real estate agent.

I am going to go try a yoga class so I better grab a bite. I wonder if you are supposed to eatbefore yoga? I will find out lol. Laters.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Yay! (What a Lame Title, LOL)

Adam got a promotion. I am sure am not supposed to talk about it. Which is really sad, because you are the only people who would really understand how lucky he is for what he got for his rank blah blah blah. He is really happy. He says funny things like "when the unit stands up again," what are they are they laying down??

We are going to have my yellow truck in the for sale lot soon. I wish it was there already, ugh, but because we aren't married and because Adam isn't on the title or the insurance it is a run around. Fun Fun. Like it always is. I was recently validated by an army person the other day. We went to base and I had forgotten my ID (story of our lives) and we were just going to get a hair cut and buy gas. We pulled up and expected to be told to turn around. Well we pulled ot the guy who checks our ID almost every time we go through. I can't believe he recognized us and let us through. He must see a million people a day. He said we were okay. I was shocked. A pog doing something that made our lives easier. As we drove away Adam said, "and that's why we are always super nice to the gate guys." So I am going to be EXTRA nice to the gate guys in the future.

Oh man I have a lot of work to do today. I didn't do any over the weekend, thus there is a lot. Oh on another note, this is so typical Adam, we joined a gym. Adam has decided he is not buff enough and not fast enough. So I have been complaining about being fat for a while. Adam says I am not allowed to complain ANYMORE. They have a bunch of fitness classes and it is less than a mile from here. I agree no more complaining. I went swimming last night, it was great. I can't believe it but I am stiff this morning. Sigh. Out of shape. Well I gtg. Things are good right now. I am enjoying the ride while it lasts. :)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Deferring

In my walks of life , business, horses, military, whatever, people tend to give me advice or tell me how it is. Yesterday my farrier told me that in order to get my horses better about their feet I need to teach them to balance by tying up each of their feet one at a time for about 10 minutes each.... I agree they would stand better if they were balanced, but my 2 year old is still learning about having his feet picked up and that is not how I am going to teach him. I thought this was super shitty advice so I said to him,"Is that what you do with you young horses?" THere was a pregnant pause there and he said,"No actually my horses are bad because I don't have a ton of tiem to spend with them on their feet." He didn't even say I should do that, I could do that thats all he said.

So in light of this discovery I have decided that whenever anyone gives me advice I don't like or don't agree with I am going to ask them,"Is that what you did/do / are going to do?" and if it is they can tell me a story of how it worked for them. Otherwise they realize how stupid their comment is. I like advice, stories whatever. I don't want to be argumentative when I don't agree, or constantly nod and smile. I feel like I am selling out.

Adam cleaned the house the other day and it is SPOTLESS, and I love it. For some reason if I ask him to clean the house nicely, and I have to go some where, when I come home he has done a great job. Its pretty nice to know we don't only rely on my domestic skills. I left him a list of chores so when he came home I found a new list of chores for me. I think its great. We are really working to share the house hold duties. I think that's a good stride forward into the 21st century.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Experiment

I have to say for the most part I did feel a lot better yesterday. I spoke with my Dad for a long time on the phone yesterday and that went really well for once. I don't really think there is anything he can do to shock me.

On a separate note I sometimes wish that I had a totally anonymous blog from my family. I don't think anyone in my family reads my blog, but I don't want to post something that could come back and bite me in the butt. I have been thinking about making another invitation only blog and invite a couple of you guys that I talk to on a regular basis. I would still write in both blog because I know some of you guys lurk and don't comment. It is something I have been thinking about for a while. Meh. Maybe.

Lately I have been forgetful and I am not a very organized person no matter how much I try to be organized I can't seem to get it together. I feel like I have really worked at being more organized, but there never seems to be time to be more organized. Don't get me wrong, I think I take plenty of me time (thought often I do see it as being "lazy") so why can't I take that time and clean house or do something useful with it. My Mother is so neat and clean, hates having the house dirty at all almost to the point of being neurotic about it. I am one of those shove things in the closet to make it look clean types of people. I have always been a procrastinator and I don't know if that is a personality trait or not. I have been trying to be more attentive to procrastinating and doing it less. I definitely avoid stuff by doing other work and justifying it that way.

I have made some mistakes in people's orders that are pretty bad. I have fixed them and made it up to them as best I can, but I still feel like how are people going to view my customer service when I had to fix their order? I wouldn't want to order from me again. I mean people do and they understand it is basically a one person operation, but still. Though I do think my levels of professional standards are higher then the average person and I may be holding myself to a pretty rigid standard.

On top of everything else I find myself waiting for Adam to get home to do stuff. Adam is working 11 hour days right now. Which drives me up the wall because they mostly sit around on base. It wasn't such a big deal to sit around on base in his barracks room when he lived on base. However, now that he can come home at the end of the day, the being on call is just painful. Oh well. That is how it is right now.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Much Better

Well thanks to everyone for the comments, even Lala's :) ( I hope to visit her soon). I think what I find most insulting that people have said to me (and she said this too), get a marriage license and have a wedding later. I really want the ceremony that I am having at my wedding to be legally binding wedding. I have decided from now on, when someone says that to me I am going to ask them if that is what they did. But I am moving on. No more excuses.

I have come back to that point where I have too much to do, but I am finally learning to stop panicking about it. I think. I like to watch what not wear on my "lunch break" and I am constantly amazed about how women that I consider skinny or "normal weight" are super self conscious about their body. I am also amazed that (in New York City) there really are clothes to fit just about every body type. I am a little bummed because the show used to have more men on it and I don't think I have seen an episode with men in a long long time. It seems a little sexist. I have been watching more TV since Adam set one up in my computer room. I also watched wife swap. It was meh. The do a really good job of placing people with conflicting values in each others home. I think that is cool, I usually always side with a certain family. I think that I would get the uber conservative family. I don't know though.

(I am trying really hard to write a blog where I don't just talk about problems and negative things, it really seems to be flotsam...but we will see). I do want to say on this note though that before Adam and I lived together I had a lot of fear about what it would be like and if we were really as compatible as we thought we were and none of those fears became realized. I had fears that after the deployment he would come home from war and not be able to deal with the things he had done. So I have been watching him like a hawk, night and day. AS far as I can tell he seems to be fine. Some nightmares, some scary moments where he hasn't really believed that he is home. It hasn't been anything that has been a real problem.

Yesterday I had a stressful day, but today I am going to tread carefully and see if I have to stress about all things I keep stressing about. I mean I have a big decision to make about whether I am actually going to ride in the futurities and I think I am and I am trying to be brave. I am worried that I won't be as prepared and I could have been. I think that it was the best I could do given the circumstances and there is no reason to not ride. I may not be as prepared as I would like, but it is not like I am going to fall off, I just may not win. On the flip side every chance that I get to go out in that big arena and be nervous and ride anyways is a step towards being more relaxed. To chip away at that fear that I can never do anything "great" (that's a whole other stupid complex I have that really is not serving me well) is a step in the right direction. I am sure there will be riders less prepared then I am on not as nice mounts.

Lastly, all the money that I am worried about not having, I have no unpaid yarn bills this month. So all the yarn that I sell is money I do not have to pay back because I have already paid for it. So that gives me some freedom to dye some of the yarn and sell it at the London show where they will pay more for yarn because the dollar is so weak. So the panic attacks about the bills needs to stop as well or at least lessen. I have an idea of where I am going, and I have been wanting to dye yarn forever, and I haven't really been dyeing any and I love to do it. I got a bunch of new dyes in, in some great colors and I can't wait to try them.

Now that I have said all of my affirming -no -worrying things I am going to get out of bed. I like this style or writing the affirming things instead of the worries. I wonder if it really will change the tone for the day. Well its a good experiement. The other day when I was down I was perusing some blog and many of them were worried and sad and I wondered if it was just the time, because everyone seems to be worried about the country, but I then I decided that the world just goes on and some where in the world people are happy and enjoying there life and think that everythign is going to great and I want to be in that contingency. How is that for upbeat?

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Up Again

And he is totally out. Which is how he should be considering he HAS to be up at 5:15 am and out the door. I have gotten used to the sleeping until 8 am schedule. I just have a hard time at the other end. The going to sleep part. I have always had trouble falling asleep and some nights being next to him an just cuddling is enough. Not tonight. I disentangled myself because I DO want to make sure he gets a good nights rest. So he can be up and perky in the morning. Well perky isn't quite the word.

I think I made a new friend. I know I wish I was going to be traveling less. I think I made a friend who might want to work out in the morning with me. I could really use that right now. I feel like things might be start to come back on track for me. I hope so. Part of me is afraid to stride forward into that next chunk of being adult. I guess it is either stride or be pushed because sooner or later I am going to have to take that next step and nothing is going to stop it.

The marriage pushing has been insane lately. Our chiropractor razzed us out for like 10 minutes trying to convince me. I thought that was pretty rude and forward of her. She doesn't know us or our struggles. I think her point was that she doesn't have to. However just because you have known someone for a long time doesn't mean you should get married.

It makes me wonder about this thing of you shouldn't live with someone before you are married. It is not that I think I am living in sin more what am I gaining and losing by holding out. I have my reasons and they are mine and I wish people could respect that that. Part of me wonders if I am foolish for holding out. I don't I have to do what it right for me. Right now that is not being chased by marriage pushers.

Our life together has the potential to really change after he gets out and goes to college and we move around. I really want him to have whatever freedom he need to move forward with his life. Once we are not just waiting for the army to end and we have more freedom are we going to want different things? I just want to accommodate for that. I want to give us room or leave space to change and grow without feeling trapped and maybe it would be a non issue even if we were married. Why take that risk?

Anyways, I am done explaining myself. It's none of their business. Still I wonder if that is a healthy attitude or if that points to some unreadiness or inflexibility on my part. Even if it does, isn't that just another indicator to take some time on this?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Sleepless in Seattle

Ha ha bad joke. I have returned from all my trips and my yarn business is going well. Not great, but well. I have like 15 little post it notes in front of me and Adam has already left for work. It's about 5:45. Last night neither of us slept terribly well. The night before we slept like a rock. We have been doing this alternating thing where one night we sleep well and the next we don't I have not figured out why that is.

I am trying to learn to enjoy the moment more. Yesterday night I was frustrated about a couple things around the house and how it never seems to stay the way I set it and also about my schedule how I never seem to be able to keep one. Adam looked at me and said,"This just perfect you know? These are the good times." I looked at him and realized he was perfectly happy and content and we had spent a relaxed day hanging out watching movies and nothing really to answer to for another day or so. He was just loving the hell out of our down down day. I was really sad because he was just enjoying spending time with me, and here I was being fractious over work I wasn't willing to do at that moment. I have always been that way. Sometimes I feel like everyday with him is a vacation or a day off and I don't hold myself to my responsibilities like I imagine I will. I have never held myself to all my responsibilities, ever. Period. So now I am just making new excuses.

I am hoping that soon I will find some more inner peace and realize that it doesn't come from having your life exactly the way I "want" it to be. I have the ridiculous standards of excellence set before me. I need to realize that and just chill a little. I also realized that part of my problem is that I was unhappy about my horses boarding situation, the horses are just so far away that I not riding hardly at all and I feel so guilty and I don't like the lady that they are with so much because she is really stupid and it drive me up the wall to have her around my horses and telling me what they need at the time. ARG! So until our lease runs out and we can find a place that will house my business a bit better, and I think we found a place that will also house my horses a bit better as well. Maybe that will make me feel better. Maybe it won't. I do have this tendency to keep changing my environment and hoping that solve whatever discontent that I am feeling, but so far it hasn't really done that much to alleviate my worries, whatever they are.

So I think I need to look at what I am doing and think about it. I have to stop working my ass of for little or no return. We did well at the show, but the cost of going is so outrageous. I mean made money, but not the way I would like to and I had a lot of help from my Mom which is less then ideal. I went to the show to get customers. I spent 2 whole days writing an email newsletter. Soem people have read it, but no new orders. I thought my DVD would sell really well. I have sold less then a 3rd that I had made. All of this is sort of dissapointing. But if you talk to other people they say that is very good for a business that started in May with as little capitol as you had in a down economy blah blah blah. I need something that can consistently pay the bills and what I hear from one parent is you just need to stick it out and grow you r business a bit and what I hear from the other parent is your profit margins are too low you won't make money. No one really seems to know. I have hired a bookkeeper to help me go over everything with a fine fine tooth comb. I bet she /he will know.

In some ways the yarn business is who I am and in other ways it is not, but I keep coming back to this "who I am" and it bothers the crap out of me because I DON'T HAVE TO BE ANYONE if I don't want to so why do I let myself get hung up in this container of a definition that is not serving me very well.

I am not sure. I have to think this over some more. Or better yet, not think about it at all. That seems like a way better solution :D. Anyways maybe this will make more sense if I go back to bed and start over.