A new breed

You know the more I read about the way the world is changing and the more I realize that not only is the economy radically shifting but the way in which expertise and experience are defined and utilized. Degrees and certifications and online manuals all have there respected places. I mean even being a soldier is changing, I think.

I have heard the wars overseas called the "Fed Ex" war simple because Adam wants a new book he orders it from amazon and it is delivered, either to me or to him. I send him pictures and expect them to arrive within 2 weeks. Heck I sent him a cheesecake (it didn't make it :( but I think I could have packed it better). Adam has the internet and talks to me sometimes everyday, but never more than 2 weeks with out hearing from him. and I can only imagine how much work it is to keep their networks secure, maybe the insurgents don't have the technology around the base to hack, but I bet that the army is ever vigilant to make sure that even if insurgents did, they couldn't hack. I mean at some point information is the most valuable currency. The base has a help line that Iraqis can call to report "suspicious" activity, and many do.

Dealing with 3rd world infrastructure has to be a great obstacle too. Bad roads, barely working cell towers, I have heard there are lots of new ones. You get this strange juxtaposition of war and poverty with barracks and web cams of home. With girlfriends eating breakfast and waving bye before they go to work, then to head back out on patrol with the oodles of gear. It must be like looking at an alien planet.

Back home things are changing as well. College was focused on how quickly can you find, assimilate, analyze, and draw conclusions. Little rote memorization, just enough to understand the context of what people are talking about, enough to give you a jumping point. People can vaguely check into things with resources like wikipedia and craigslist. I consider Firefox, Craigslist, Gmail (google accounts), and you tube so standard that when people don't know what theses things are they don't even blip on my radar of modern (though I don't think myspace and facebook fall into that category-- thats a whole other category). I mean on top of that things are so fluid, there are so many creative outlets: blogs and personal websites. Domain names are so easy to register and simple websites easy to build. ANYONE can build a website now a days. Even if you can't code there are site builders everywhere.

Even the way people work is changing. The way I work is going to change. I have a tendency to believe in certain stereotypes and I think that if I do some thing X it means I am Y and if i am Y I am obligated to do the other things in the stereotype. I am not. Being a "rancher" is a stereotype. Being a "horse trainer" is a stereotype. I throughly agree with people who think that people are going to be less and less defined by the type of work they do. "Well what do you do?" is no longer going to be answered by "I am a banker", or "I am an upper level administrator". Most people do define who they are by their job. I don't think that is who I am going to be. You know I used to think that the super long vacations that the Europeans take is counter productive, but I am not so sure anymore. I think there some important life value that we as Americans are missing and could stand to learn.

I mean ultimately, what are we working for in the end? Accountability to a boss? Lots and lots and lots of money? Freedom to do what ever we want? There are 2 books that I have read recently that have changed my perspective drastically recently. One is The World is Flat, which I am still reading. The other is the 4 hours work week. Even if you don't agree with his tactics and principals one thing about his book is terribly and 100% irrefutable. You have to figure out what is worth working for and work for it. There is a great parody in the book about this business man on vacation in Mexico and he goes to buy some fish and this guy caught a bunch of very nice large fish, the best in the market and was selling them and heading out. The business man asked what his life was like, he said,"I fish, make a little money, siesta, spend time with my wife and my kid, and enjoy the beach." The business man said to the fisherman, "You are so talented at fishing. You should buy some more fishing boats and have a fleet of fishing boats. Then you could have the largest fishing boat company in Mexico, then you could move your headquarters to New York or LA and have a international corporation and be CEO of the best and largest fishing company." The fisherman said, "Why would I do that?" The businessman said, "So you could earn lots and lots of money!" The fisherman says, "And what would I do with that?" The businessman says, "Well you could buy a little place in Mexico, fish, make a little money, siesta, spend time with your wife and your kid, and enjoy the beach."

I just feel like no one gets that. The quality of life and the humanity part of us that traps us into these little boxes of thinking there is only one way out. What I love about the United States is the creativity and the ability to adapt to the circumstance. With the economy on the brink of a major overhaul I have a feeling people who are trapped in the "credit game" believing that their credit is going to be worth a damn very soon, their precious credit they tried so hard to keep perfect, are going to be up a creek without a paddle.

The best thing about the new breed of the world: I have this idea that I am toying around with in my head, I can share it with others and they can tell me whether or not they see the world that way or think I am crazy....

How did that go over?

Hmm, so for Adam's birthday I cooked up a plan to mail him a Harry and David's cheesecake. I have not yet heard how it got there. If it hasn't gotten there by now it's toast and needs to be tossed. I devised an elaborate layering of ice packs and coolers and froze the cheesecake itself in hopes of it surviving the trip. I think we should take bets to see who thinks it might make it there. I mean I know that in flight sometimes cargo can get really cold in an airplane because it is not pressurized like the rest of the plane. I have heard that I am not sure it is one hundred percent true, but I am hoping it is and it gives the ice packs a chance to refreeze? Here's to hoping!

So anyways, I am currently on vacation and I am not looking forward to heading back which definitely suggests that I have too much going on. I just am resigned to the fact that no matter what these last couple months are going to be kind of difficult. I have heard the last 30 days are hell. I am already feeling it with 2.5 months to go. I can't even think about the time frame thing I have read about. The army is not going to give Adam an arrival date. It will all depend on what part of his group is leaving and if they make that plane, if there is enough room, etc, etc. So he could be supposed to come home one date and come home a week earlier or later. Right now I am just mentally picking a date and hoping he will come home then. Ugh.

Then we get to move in, and adjust. It's one of those weird things where you are looking forward to something and as if gets closer the passing of another day gets you dramatically closer, but the days pass the same as they did before. So it is just another day down another day closer, and tomorrow will be exactly the same. I know I am in for an emotional roller coaster because the plans will change 10 million times over and I am trying hard not to get attached to any idea or plan. I am trying to not even think of plans. I am blocking them all out of my head. I will know more about my housing by the end of the month. For better or worse right?

Anyways that's my latest update. :)

Pupper-Do!

Roger is what I am calling him. I think I might have found a home for him. There is a lady who might be interested in a dog for protection and companionship. He would be perfect for that.I talked to the humane society in Fort Worth and they said they receive 200 animals A DAY! Then they said they evaluate them and about 50% get adopted and the other 50% get put down. :( I think he would make the cut, he is smart, easy to get along with and howls in his sleep. It's been 3 days and he is figuring more crap out every day. :) He knows where we live. He has not been able to settle down at the barn, though. Pace, Pace, Pace, whine, whine. Hmm I think he might need more than 3 days. He has destroyed all the chew toys I gave him. I am very anxious to figure out his new home. I am out of dog food and chew toys. :) He is so damn smart. Though it really shows you how much work kids are, if he is even a quarter of what a kid is, which I am sure his is not, what a lot of work. Man he is smart! (Did I mention I was impressed by how smart he was?) I am not sure how smart I think a dog is supposed to be, but he pushes the boundaries. I will miss him when he is gone, but I feel so naggingly responsible when he is around, not only for his well being, but also for the stuff he might do to someone else. I also feel obligated to entertain him. He doesn't like to play, it scares him a little to much, he can't figure out you are playing, and he likes his chew toys. He will settle down for whomever keeps him long term. It's like having a very quiet roommate. I gotta turn out the light so Roger can sleep lol, or I gotta pick up something thing off the floor because Roger might eat it. I watch him like a hawk in case he looks like he needs out or is going to get into something he shouldn't. Sigh he is cool, but man oh man, what a job to watch him.

On to other goings on. MY COUCH FINALLY CAME. I ordered it a while back and it was supposed to be delivered in January. It's March. Hmnt. Regardless they are in Ivy green. I really like the color. The best part is the ENTIRE couch is a slipcovered, not just the pillows, the whole thing. So it can be washed, or changed! I think that's awesome. Maybe someday we will get a red velvet cover for Christmas. I bet that will go over like a lead balloon. Ha oh well, have plenty of time to worry about that.

On to another subject. I like it to be quiet when I sleep. I like it to be very dark too (I wasn't always that way, I slept with a night light until I was 14). Lately, I have been sleeping with my space heater on because it has been cold. Well, the last couple days, it hasn't been so cold. So instead I have been running it on "fan." This is so that the noise will out the noises outside so I don't hear them. Otherwise known as white noise. I have just noticed in the last couple days how much I like having the white noise. Weird huh? It is most beneficial for Roger though. He is not constantly awoken by stuff outside, in PARTICULAR the neighbor's dog barking incessantly. Ugh.
Anyways, it's bedtime. Night all.

Recent Visitor

So I saw this puppy wandering the neighborhood, and I fed it a hotdog (ok 2). I noticed he had no collar but he looked skinny, but clean and like he had just escaped his owner. Well I had to go into town anyways so I took him to the Petsmart because they have Lost and Found ads. He trembled the whole ride there, I turned up the heat until he was panting, but that stop it. SO i took him there and filled out and ad and bought some sample pet food and a pet dish and one of those over the head leashes that you can use to keep a hold of one. I found out where the local pet shelter was. Being late for work I took him with me to work. He sat in my truck on a blanket and whined and cried while I did some inside work. Alex came out to see him and mentioned that he sorta kinda looks like a pit bull. Hmm ok. Well I called the shelter to see what their policy is and they said they would just put him down. If he looks anything like a pit bull whether or not he is or his temperament, it is to much of a risk to adopt him so they just put them down.

So he is staying with me until I can find a more suitable home. I am going to look into the humane center. I know that they don't put animals down. I heard that they will not take them sometimes.

He is pretty damn cute.

If you know of anyone who is looking for a well behaved puppy. He seems to be house broke he is still just kind of scared of people.

Sunday Soul Searching

Adam and I got to talk for almost 2 and a half hours. What a wonderful chance to finish all those conversation that we had to keep cutting short. We both were more or less awake so neither of us were feeling grumpy and sleep deprived. We had a lot of fun, it was good see Adam (his govt computer had a webcam) and it was good to see him laugh at my corny jokes.

A friend of mine got online and asked me if I went to church and I said, "No, but I did something as equally soul enriching for me." These days where everything flows and we are reminded why we are attracted to each other are a Godsend. Even across these bajillion miles we still feel a good connection. That gives us (Adam and I) both hope as we start (me and Adam's mom Pam) start to look for apartments and start to figure out moving logistics, and I figure out what furniture I can take and squeeze into our apartment.

We got to talk about all the funny stuff about living in an apartment together, toilet seats and clothes all over the floor. We talked about where to put all our crap and what size apartment we need, and whether or not we are setting up a dining room or eating in front of the TV, and putting computers in the dining room.

Should be an adventure, but now that we are clear on a bunch of things it is looking to be the best adventure yet. I really hope we get a place with a good kitchen. There is nothing worse than having to cook in an uninviting kitchen.

What a nice way to start out a Sunday. Now for a nap to catch on the sleep in time I missed out on.

Core Value System

Most people get touchy when they feel like their core value system is being attacked or even brought into question. Much of my core value system revolves around the way I handle, view and train horses. Much of my core value system involves my view about my boarding school in Arizona, The Orme School.

Some how Adam and I got into an argument about both things. I am very touchy about this. Almost irrationally touchy about it. I have worked with horses my whole life. I have taken lessons, and ridden countless hours in a variety of styles. I have ridden English and jumped (hunters). I learned to breakaway rope and goat tie. I have ridden dude horses in some of the roughest terrain that you can take a horse on. I have done some gymkhana events and won ribbons in trail classes. I have started colts both with and without help. I have been to several Bryan Neubert and Buck Brannaman clinics. I marginally learned to ranch rope and have been to a roping or two(Adam is a better roper then me).

I HAVE SERIOUSLY STUDIED THIS STUFF. I don't know of a subject on the planet into which I have put more time and energy. I want to be right, I need to be right. CUZ I AM RIGHT(some of the time anyways) DAMMIT. Now I am working with one of top trainers in the US, learning to ride and he is really happy with my progress. So tell me, why the hell do I feel so insecure when Adam questions my motives? I have logically and experiential upper hand here.... I mean I want his opinion, but basically I want him to agree with me. I guess if I don't actually want his opinion I have to stop asking for it. I don't really want him to tell me if I am right or wrong; I want him to put ideas into the pot rather then criticize the ones I already have in there. Dammit.:P I don't know that he will ever discuss the theoretics behind horse training the way I do. We are going to have to work out some way or relating about horse stuff or this will not work out.

We both get sort of touchy about this. Man, I hope this works out. It could get uncomfortable in a hurry. I see us having many discussions in the future. It is really hard when it is something you feel so strongly about, especially me, I hate being "uninformed" about something I care about, which is why I spend every spare second studying, thinking, and evaluating. When it comes to horse stuff, if I am talking about it you can be sure I have thought about it for easily 10 hours before I have come to a solid conclusion. We will see.

This is the most important thing to me, I feel about horses the way some people feel about religion: you have to have the proper respect and value for horses. I believe there is a right way to do it, a way that allows horses to be horses and enjoy their work. I have found it working with people like Buck and Bryan, and also with Leon, but in a different way. Anyways I could go on for hours and hours about my philosophies on horses. Needless to say I believe that some people just make do with their horses and others really try to communicate with their horse on a different level.

Anyways I get grumpyish when I feel like these buttons are being pushed. Things are never as simple as they seem.

Night

Headaches

So Adam and I convinced Adams' Mom to help up look for an apartment. THANK GOD. It's next to impossible to rent an apartment! Don't they know who I am?!?!? :) I am just ready to tear my hair out. I would call and these people would barely give me the time of day.

So we decided to fly up, I call my boss, she says, "I was expecting you to work that weekend. I guess I will learn to have to work around YOUR schedule...." Well I have to go, Pam doesn't have a lot of time to take off. I am not going to screw up her schedule when I wasn't even told we needed me at work that weekend. Sigh I don't know where go with it, I feel guilty because I am apprenticing, but I need the help with apartment more then anything. I am so tired of worrying about it. I cannot wait to get it over it.

NOW WE GET TO DO THE EVEN FUNNER PART. We get to find an apartment Adam that I don't hate, and CAN afford, and, and, and try and get approved on Adam's salary. That's all well and good, first we would have to understand his pay stub. HA HA HA. All kinds of crazy acronyms. It looks like he might initially earn enough. Then they take a lot of stuff out. Medicare. Life insurance. So maybe we will just show the amount he earns.... before they take all that crap out.

It would be really nice to not need a cosign. I currently am a paying apprentice so uh, I don't help qualify us, I am the moocher. Sigh.
Where is the advil? :)

At least though I will FINALLY have something concrete by the beginning of April. It is weird how time just marches through! It's crazy. Nothing I can do to speed it up or slow it down. I am learning better and better to take day at a time and do the best I can in each moment. I have a lot of responsibility and worry surround me right now, but you know I am really just going to try and let that go and take it as it comes. Ride my horses, not worry about my boss, and maybe even go to bed early! :)

I keep thinking life is going to get simpler when Adam comes home. I have a sneaking suspicion that it will not. That until I cut down on what I am doing. It is still going to be crazy. May is looking pretty scary. Leon has clinics in Canada. I am moving. Gulp. Oh well. Take it as it comes, one day at a time.

No more headaches. Night Everyone.