Poor Adam. He isn't sleeping and is spending all his free time trying to track me down.
He seems lost. Like a small fish in a very big ocean. Lots of sharks. I was looking at a bunch of other very funny army related blogs that Kaylee has up and one of them had a link to this blog http://blogs.tampabay.com/standingby/2007/07/training.html and it made me do that thinking thing again. These army significant others live in these small private hells where the world ceases to be they way it was before they got involved with the army. It's like alternate reality.
People talk about alternate universes. I live in one. The rules and realities that apply to your average everyday citizens do not apply to me. It just is not the same. The things that they care about and are on the forefront of there thoughts are laffablly meaningless and seem petty and stupid. Like on a comment about the Paris Hilton Jail thing : who gives a flying f*ck?!?! PEOPLE DIED IN IRAQ TODAY! Not just people, American soldiers. Now maybe it is selfish to care about Americans dying in Iraq when there are places of genecide, but other people much like you died in Iraq today. It's a rant it's true. But there is an amazing amount of aloneness that never seems to go away no matter who you talk to or who comforts you or even if he calls.
Then you read other Army people's blogs and you feel as though you are not totally alone in the world just mostly.
It's late again and though I was exhausted earlier I am sitting here eating lime sherbet and wishing I had Corona to go with it, I don't know how well I will sleep. Maybe tonight is am ambien night.
Good night.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sleepless in Wyoming and Iraq..
Adam imed the other night at 3 am. Seems he couldn't sleep. He felt sick and there was no water in their camp, not even to drink(!). We talked for a while, I did my best to comfort him from 5,000 miles away. I had my webcam on and everyone in my family was around and stopped over to Hello. I am sure that helped him to be more homesick :(.
So then I went to go to bed: took my shower, crawled in to bed, got my stuffed animal, and started reading a book that I had been intending to read for a while, called Infidel. It's about a muslim woman from Somalia and how she escaped Somalia and claimed refugee status in Holland where the culture challenged her beliefs about being a Muslim woman. It is difficult to read because there are a lot of topics about Muslim beliefs that are hard for many Westerners to wrap their heads around, beatings, female circumcision, multiple wives and families. I ended up staying up until 2 am reading it. The hardest thing about the book is reading about how difficult it is for these women to free themselves from the culture even when they have a strong desire to do so and are in a place where legally they can. This woman talks about her fears of her father coming to kill her after she escaped for dishonoring the family and not obeying him.
A had a soldier tell me in confidence that one of the hard things about Iraq is seeing how men treat women and not being able to do anything about it. The women work hard and obey their husbands and get beaten if they don't. Talk about a culture clash.
I wonder if the gender inequality in Muslim communities like that will ever change. I can't see how that will happen. Its a weird enslavement where the women rarely try to escape and see it as the will of God. It is interesting and at the same time kind of hard to read it from this woman's point of view and about her questioning her faith in Islam.
Long story short I was up late last night. I hope Adam finally got some sleep, has water, and is feeling better.
So then I went to go to bed: took my shower, crawled in to bed, got my stuffed animal, and started reading a book that I had been intending to read for a while, called Infidel. It's about a muslim woman from Somalia and how she escaped Somalia and claimed refugee status in Holland where the culture challenged her beliefs about being a Muslim woman. It is difficult to read because there are a lot of topics about Muslim beliefs that are hard for many Westerners to wrap their heads around, beatings, female circumcision, multiple wives and families. I ended up staying up until 2 am reading it. The hardest thing about the book is reading about how difficult it is for these women to free themselves from the culture even when they have a strong desire to do so and are in a place where legally they can. This woman talks about her fears of her father coming to kill her after she escaped for dishonoring the family and not obeying him.
A had a soldier tell me in confidence that one of the hard things about Iraq is seeing how men treat women and not being able to do anything about it. The women work hard and obey their husbands and get beaten if they don't. Talk about a culture clash.
I wonder if the gender inequality in Muslim communities like that will ever change. I can't see how that will happen. Its a weird enslavement where the women rarely try to escape and see it as the will of God. It is interesting and at the same time kind of hard to read it from this woman's point of view and about her questioning her faith in Islam.
Long story short I was up late last night. I hope Adam finally got some sleep, has water, and is feeling better.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Stolen Day
The reason that I haven't posted in over 2 weeks is because Adam has been here on mid- leave tour. Usually you don't get mid-leave tour so soon after being deployed, Adam was there since April and got mid-leave in July, thats pretty early.
Having Adam here was a blast, we went to Idaho for to see an amazing horseman Bryan Neubert. Then we hung out in Jackson Hole for a day. Then we kind of hung out and took it easy at the ranch until my family reunion started. Then everybody came. It is pretty fun to have all my cousins around.
Then yesterday Adam was slated to go back to the airport. Since we had to get up at 4 am to take him to the airport we just didn't sleep much. I woke up about every 20 minutes to see what time it was. My Dad said he would drive us to the tiny airport in Riverton, WY. It has about 2 flights a day. We walk into the main room and the lady at the counter says as well walk in, "The morning flight has been cancelled and the afternoon flight is now overbooked." Apparently the plane broke down and never left Denver.
So Adam starts making his gajillion calls to all the various Army people who arrange his flights. He is told to call the chain of command in Dallas whether to stand by for a flight that afternoon or take the same flight the next day. Well when he called Dallas he found out the flight to Kuwait had problems too, the people in Dallas said, "You are authorized to stay and extra day and take the flight tomorrow."
Adam and I were ecstatic. We did all the faxing required and had my Dad drive us back home to go bed. These "stolen days" are gifts from God. You are sooo grateful that all you had been dreading and worrying about melts away. We got up around 10:30 am and played all day. We went swimming and bought Coke and orange juice. Then we hung out and took a nap and watched a movie. We went to dinner and ate pizza( Adam's favorite)! Then we got my old horse and rode him around bareback and gave pony rides for kids.
This morning we reluctantly drug ourselves out of bed and started all over. This morning we got there and the plane was there. He got checked in and ready to go. I wasn't as upset today, because I had been really upset yesterday. It is amazing how much difference there is in one more day. They really are about the best things in the entire world.
So now we dig in for another 12 months. I think its easier this time because I know what to expect. He came home safe with stories and pictures. I just have to trust and have faith he will come home again.
Having Adam here was a blast, we went to Idaho for to see an amazing horseman Bryan Neubert. Then we hung out in Jackson Hole for a day. Then we kind of hung out and took it easy at the ranch until my family reunion started. Then everybody came. It is pretty fun to have all my cousins around.
Then yesterday Adam was slated to go back to the airport. Since we had to get up at 4 am to take him to the airport we just didn't sleep much. I woke up about every 20 minutes to see what time it was. My Dad said he would drive us to the tiny airport in Riverton, WY. It has about 2 flights a day. We walk into the main room and the lady at the counter says as well walk in, "The morning flight has been cancelled and the afternoon flight is now overbooked." Apparently the plane broke down and never left Denver.
So Adam starts making his gajillion calls to all the various Army people who arrange his flights. He is told to call the chain of command in Dallas whether to stand by for a flight that afternoon or take the same flight the next day. Well when he called Dallas he found out the flight to Kuwait had problems too, the people in Dallas said, "You are authorized to stay and extra day and take the flight tomorrow."
Adam and I were ecstatic. We did all the faxing required and had my Dad drive us back home to go bed. These "stolen days" are gifts from God. You are sooo grateful that all you had been dreading and worrying about melts away. We got up around 10:30 am and played all day. We went swimming and bought Coke and orange juice. Then we hung out and took a nap and watched a movie. We went to dinner and ate pizza( Adam's favorite)! Then we got my old horse and rode him around bareback and gave pony rides for kids.
This morning we reluctantly drug ourselves out of bed and started all over. This morning we got there and the plane was there. He got checked in and ready to go. I wasn't as upset today, because I had been really upset yesterday. It is amazing how much difference there is in one more day. They really are about the best things in the entire world.
So now we dig in for another 12 months. I think its easier this time because I know what to expect. He came home safe with stories and pictures. I just have to trust and have faith he will come home again.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Waiting.....
Well Adam was supposed to have called by now. I am kind of dropping everything to hear from him. To find out if I can go pick him up, to find out that he is in the United States ok. No word. I sit by the house phone for a while, then I go to the place where my cell gets service. Nothing. No email no IM no word from Adam's Mom . It's like being in a giant void. I know he is somewhere not far from me, just not near a phone. I feel like Fivel in an American tale:
I hope he calls soon.
Jennamyna
I hope he calls soon.
Jennamyna
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Two Thoughts for the Evening
First Topic: Tiredness
I am pretty tired. I am tired because the last couple of nights I have had trouble sleeping. It's certainly not because I am not active enough during the day. It's been hot at night, I have a bunch of bug bites, AND I wonder if Adam is going to call coupled with I know that I have a lot to do and that I have to get up and get going in the morning. So when I go to bed I think to myself," I need to start to get to sleep because if Adam calls I want to be able to get some sleep in before he wakes me up." So I do sleep and then like last night he calls (this time around 3 am my time) and I try really really really hard to stay awake and be coherent and even a little funny. A long silence will pass and I will realize I am falling back asleep and panic calling out, "You Still there!?!?!" not entirely sure whether I am dreaming or not. Then I try to remember all the things I wanted to ask him. He says he has to go and I am getting pretty good at falling right back asleep. Last night we talked for about 45 minutes. I had to drive to Colorado Springs today and I was pretty sleepy on the drive down, which I know means I have to be extra careful. So now night approaches. I want Adam to call again, but I don't know whether I will be able to be fully functional tomorrow on the drive back to Wyoming if he does. Irregardless, if I hear the phone ring I am going to answer it. It is just a funny place to be to not want him to call and want him to call so much at the same time. I feel a little guilty because I know he is working waay harder then me on waay less sleep, and doing much more difficult.
Second Topic: The weight of having someone gone.
I was reading Kayli's (I hope I got the spelling right!) blog about her two heros, her Dad and her boyfriend. These happen to be my same two heros, though my Dad is not ill. I think that many people do not realize what a weight having someone overseas is on your everyday actions. Maybe it doesn't affect other people the same way it affects me. I feel like every day I get up and put on my strong face and when Adam calls, the happy note in my voice. I think people don't realize all little things that constantly remind you that he is over there. Right now I avoid certain songs or stories or news because I know for me personally it will be hard to deal with (these things include army related television, songs like "Travelin' Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks and certain newscasts, esp in the web). I try to segment my day so that I have some kind of relief time , but somehow I must not always give myself enough of this because I sometimes seem to have total breakdowns over very small things. I feel like sometimes people don't seem to think about how it can just wear you down, and I don't even realize that I am worn down so to speak. I think that I work really hard to not let it take over my day and keep going, but that doesn't mean it’s not on my mind it just means I trying to make the best of the situation and I know that moping about it isn't good for anyone. Plus you don't really want to drag everyone around you down. I sympathize with Kayli and would like to recognize the heroic effort it must take to be "strong" about Austin being in Iraq and in addition the strength it might take day to day dealing with her father being ill. I not arguing it’s a burden I merely point out that it is not an easy set of circumstances.
I hope that "everyday" people can find sometime in any given day to reflect on not only the bravery of our troops, but just to note that army-significant-others may appear to be "fine" and "coping well," and they mostly likely are, but that no matter how fine you are or how well you are coping there exists the undeniable fact that having someone you love in a "war zone" or any sort of deployment is very stressful. People subjected to this stress need to have some sort of outlet for it, in my opinion. So when these people seem off, or appear to have undue stress, just remember that we all have hard times and in some small way all of us are paying a price for us being at war. Whether you are fighting, someone you love is fighting, or someone you know loves someone who is fighting, please be aware that thinking that this war doesn't affect you is naive, I am sure it affects someone you care about or someone with whom you spend a good deal of time. So next time you hear about someone in Iraq or someone losing someone in Iraq (or anywhere for that matter) know that it may not be your heart that is in jeopardy on a day to day basis, but I bet someone you know and/or like’s is.
Now I have to say there are many people being very, very supportive and I have to say Thank you for your well wishes and considerations, they do mean a lot especially since most are sincerely heartfelt.
Okay its bedtime
Jennamyna
I am pretty tired. I am tired because the last couple of nights I have had trouble sleeping. It's certainly not because I am not active enough during the day. It's been hot at night, I have a bunch of bug bites, AND I wonder if Adam is going to call coupled with I know that I have a lot to do and that I have to get up and get going in the morning. So when I go to bed I think to myself," I need to start to get to sleep because if Adam calls I want to be able to get some sleep in before he wakes me up." So I do sleep and then like last night he calls (this time around 3 am my time) and I try really really really hard to stay awake and be coherent and even a little funny. A long silence will pass and I will realize I am falling back asleep and panic calling out, "You Still there!?!?!" not entirely sure whether I am dreaming or not. Then I try to remember all the things I wanted to ask him. He says he has to go and I am getting pretty good at falling right back asleep. Last night we talked for about 45 minutes. I had to drive to Colorado Springs today and I was pretty sleepy on the drive down, which I know means I have to be extra careful. So now night approaches. I want Adam to call again, but I don't know whether I will be able to be fully functional tomorrow on the drive back to Wyoming if he does. Irregardless, if I hear the phone ring I am going to answer it. It is just a funny place to be to not want him to call and want him to call so much at the same time. I feel a little guilty because I know he is working waay harder then me on waay less sleep, and doing much more difficult.
Second Topic: The weight of having someone gone.
I was reading Kayli's (I hope I got the spelling right!) blog about her two heros, her Dad and her boyfriend. These happen to be my same two heros, though my Dad is not ill. I think that many people do not realize what a weight having someone overseas is on your everyday actions. Maybe it doesn't affect other people the same way it affects me. I feel like every day I get up and put on my strong face and when Adam calls, the happy note in my voice. I think people don't realize all little things that constantly remind you that he is over there. Right now I avoid certain songs or stories or news because I know for me personally it will be hard to deal with (these things include army related television, songs like "Travelin' Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks and certain newscasts, esp in the web). I try to segment my day so that I have some kind of relief time , but somehow I must not always give myself enough of this because I sometimes seem to have total breakdowns over very small things. I feel like sometimes people don't seem to think about how it can just wear you down, and I don't even realize that I am worn down so to speak. I think that I work really hard to not let it take over my day and keep going, but that doesn't mean it’s not on my mind it just means I trying to make the best of the situation and I know that moping about it isn't good for anyone. Plus you don't really want to drag everyone around you down. I sympathize with Kayli and would like to recognize the heroic effort it must take to be "strong" about Austin being in Iraq and in addition the strength it might take day to day dealing with her father being ill. I not arguing it’s a burden I merely point out that it is not an easy set of circumstances.
I hope that "everyday" people can find sometime in any given day to reflect on not only the bravery of our troops, but just to note that army-significant-others may appear to be "fine" and "coping well," and they mostly likely are, but that no matter how fine you are or how well you are coping there exists the undeniable fact that having someone you love in a "war zone" or any sort of deployment is very stressful. People subjected to this stress need to have some sort of outlet for it, in my opinion. So when these people seem off, or appear to have undue stress, just remember that we all have hard times and in some small way all of us are paying a price for us being at war. Whether you are fighting, someone you love is fighting, or someone you know loves someone who is fighting, please be aware that thinking that this war doesn't affect you is naive, I am sure it affects someone you care about or someone with whom you spend a good deal of time. So next time you hear about someone in Iraq or someone losing someone in Iraq (or anywhere for that matter) know that it may not be your heart that is in jeopardy on a day to day basis, but I bet someone you know and/or like’s is.
Now I have to say there are many people being very, very supportive and I have to say Thank you for your well wishes and considerations, they do mean a lot especially since most are sincerely heartfelt.
Okay its bedtime
Jennamyna
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
.. and I'll proudly stand up...
Tonight was the famous "Dr. Bill's Fireworks."
He is a doctor in town who spends a bunch of personal (and I think donated) money putting together a fireworks show, and usually to music. One of the songs tonight was the," And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free, and I won't for get the men who died and gave that right to me..." So I AM proud to be an American. I love Adam and thank him and ALL of his fellow soldiers for fighting for the American army. Whatever the politics whatever the reasons, they are out there defending the United States and the country of which I am a proud citizen. Not only are you the bearer of my heart, but also my pride in our country and every ounce of patriotically feeling bone in my body.
It's nice to be able to watch fireworks, but it's the easy part of being a patriotic American and Adam and soldiers like him are doing the hard part. I thank God everyday that he is in my life. I wish he could have been here to see the fireworks. I might buy some and we can set them off when he comes ;). I am a bit of a pyro sometimes.
Well Goodnight my fearless soldier I hope my night, your morning finds you well.
Jennamyna
He is a doctor in town who spends a bunch of personal (and I think donated) money putting together a fireworks show, and usually to music. One of the songs tonight was the," And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free, and I won't for get the men who died and gave that right to me..." So I AM proud to be an American. I love Adam and thank him and ALL of his fellow soldiers for fighting for the American army. Whatever the politics whatever the reasons, they are out there defending the United States and the country of which I am a proud citizen. Not only are you the bearer of my heart, but also my pride in our country and every ounce of patriotically feeling bone in my body.
It's nice to be able to watch fireworks, but it's the easy part of being a patriotic American and Adam and soldiers like him are doing the hard part. I thank God everyday that he is in my life. I wish he could have been here to see the fireworks. I might buy some and we can set them off when he comes ;). I am a bit of a pyro sometimes.
Well Goodnight my fearless soldier I hope my night, your morning finds you well.
Jennamyna
Sunday, July 1, 2007
A brutal 12 monthes
So Adam has leave to come back and he says he will be leaving Iraq in a couple days to come home for mid leave tour (knocks on wood, crosses her fingers, avoids black cats and prays to God ). Didn't want to jinx myself by putting it in writing ya know :).
So Adam's mom Pam sent me an email about making sure he gets on his return flight back to Iraq and how dire and serious it is that he gets on that flight and doesn't get an AWOL status. So then I realized how hard it is going to be to get him back on that flight. Hard for me and hard for him. Now I don't do well with airports anyways, not a lot of happy memories in my childhood. So I think I might try and find a 3rd party, like maybe my Dad to chaparone us to the airport so that we don't miss his flight home because we are both so stressed out we can't think straight. I once dated a guy in the navy (oh don't ask! it was a weird circumstance) and I was so stressed out abou t him leaving that we both overslept by 2 hours (he was in the downstaris bedroom) and drove like crazy to get to the airport. Ugh that sucked.
So yeah. Its funny I find easy to write in this blog because missing him pervades everything everyday. So when I look at this blog and others' blog about 10 different things I could write about that you guys might relate to spring to mind.
I talked to Adam on the phone this morning he said he was a little run down and if he was actually admitting to it he must be kinda tired. We are both looking forward to his arrival, but like everything else in the army who knows how he will feel when he makes it back or what he will want to do. The only really good thing is that my part of the house is separate from the main part so Adam can have some respite from the outside world.
Night
So Adam's mom Pam sent me an email about making sure he gets on his return flight back to Iraq and how dire and serious it is that he gets on that flight and doesn't get an AWOL status. So then I realized how hard it is going to be to get him back on that flight. Hard for me and hard for him. Now I don't do well with airports anyways, not a lot of happy memories in my childhood. So I think I might try and find a 3rd party, like maybe my Dad to chaparone us to the airport so that we don't miss his flight home because we are both so stressed out we can't think straight. I once dated a guy in the navy (oh don't ask! it was a weird circumstance) and I was so stressed out abou t him leaving that we both overslept by 2 hours (he was in the downstaris bedroom) and drove like crazy to get to the airport. Ugh that sucked.
So yeah. Its funny I find easy to write in this blog because missing him pervades everything everyday. So when I look at this blog and others' blog about 10 different things I could write about that you guys might relate to spring to mind.
I talked to Adam on the phone this morning he said he was a little run down and if he was actually admitting to it he must be kinda tired. We are both looking forward to his arrival, but like everything else in the army who knows how he will feel when he makes it back or what he will want to do. The only really good thing is that my part of the house is separate from the main part so Adam can have some respite from the outside world.
Night
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
