All in All

I had a reasonable birthday. :) Lots of people called and SANG Happy Birthday. That was awesome.

I just feel a little, I won't say guilty, because I think guilt is a wasted emotion, but I want to say AWARE that I am well loved and very well cared for, and I am very thankful for it. Despite all of that. I am very tired, and I miss Adam a ton and I wish he was here. I enjoyed my birthday was much as was humanely possible. I just still miss him and I am a little lost and that puts a damper on my day.

I have got to start sleeping MORE. I am so unbelievably tired worn out and stressed out. Maybe that's why I feel "guilty." I think I ought to feel rested, but I don't. I need to reclaim some down time, but I don't see that happening in the foreseeable future as I have a horse show this weekend, and a clinic next weekend, and the weekend after that I am going to start packing, the weekend after that I think I will be in Washington(no definite plans yet).

I have bought a bunch of music on Itunes to send Adam one last cd and some other cutesy things to send, but I have to make sure I send them out by May 10th. I have some cards and a very belated Christmas present to send. :) I feel like things are slipping out of my grasp. I wish I could do something that would rejuvenate me and make me feel refreshed to attack all of this stuff head on again. I am not sure what I could do to rejuvenate myself so for the time being I am just trying to get enough sleep. The burn out is not only the long hours I have been pulling, but also the deployment. I am so burnt out on deployment, but there is not much I can do. I haven't spoken to Adam in 4 days. I have things to tell him, but I am not sure they would mean anything to him right with him being so far removed from my world.

So send ideas on rejuvenation, because a bath with Epsom salts just isn't cutting it anymore, though it does help tremendously for the muscle tiredness, soreness, and weariness. With my line of work, at the end of the day I jsut want to sit and not move. Anyone who works outside all day in the wind and sun, moving around, constantly on your feet, knows that when you are done you want to drink cold stuff (not direutic stuff though like beer coffee and tea) and just sit around and keep the brain from thinking too much.

I am drinking too much coffee. Too much coffee leads to caffeine addictions and bad headaches. So I think getting a massage would do a lot as well, but i could really use a good mental break. I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall, it was okay. A lot of full frontal MALE nudity, which I didn't complain about and I thought it was a nice change.

I feel like my house isn't the retreat it used to be because it is soo dang messy. Moving is looking to be such a nightmare. I guess I may need to focus on creating a retreat and keeping it clean!

What do you guys think? With those mumbled thoughts I think I will try to hit the hay and struggle with this stuff in the morning, I could go on and on, but I have to stop myself somewhere.