Such a strange thing, one minute I am so excited he will be here the next within the week and the next minute, I can't even bring myself to think about it. How do you think about it without dreading that he will have to go back in two weeks. It seems like a smokescreen: he's back!! No not really "back" back...... he has to go away again. God I feel old and cynical. Have I really gotten that deadened to his comings and goings? In my nonchalant little way. I don't want to get excited or jazzed because then I know the wait will be intolerable. There is no way to be calm when your head space is excited in that way.
I was supposed to drive back to Colorado today, but since I had no word, I stayed an extra day with his Mom. I just don't think he gets it. NO you DON'T want me alone at the house waiting for you. I promise. Not a good way to be. I can compare this intense waiting feeling with ONLY one other feeling. If you have ended a relationship with someone no matter who dumped who and the breakup is fresh. You know over time you will feel better you will move on and put it behind you. You wish you could jump to 3 months from now when you know it will hurt less, if you could just fast forward through the daily hurts and skip to the part where you feel better. It's a lot like that where you want to jump over the emotional roller coaster and anxiety and skip right to the him being there part. But you can't and that emotional roller coaster part is the part I DREAD.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Hi Jenna,
i saw your blogg today as i was searching for familier bloggs. Im kind of in the same position as you beside that im not married and living in Germany till next year. My boyfriend is also in war in Afghanistan since March. I ether do not come along with the situation, i mean who does. He will be there for one year. But your emotionale up and downs i very much can understand. By us is the situation a little bit diffrent we met us online before he deployed. We didnt have much time together before he had to go but love dont know time! So we didnt met us in person yet but is was kind of love on the first sight. Even i always thought when i saw in talk shows how can people fall in love over the computer, it s possible now i know. We talked for 16-19 hours a day! He will be in a couple weaks on leave by me and im very scared of my feelings when ha have to go back. It will be then even harder, we both feel the same way. But anyway i think it would be nice to find people to talk about how it feels that the person you love is deployed. So i would be very happy to hear from you back when your interested. My blogg is:sgt-corinkot.blogspot.com!
Office applications, Microsoft office 2007 includes a combined server and Internet-based services.Recent version of the Microsoft Office 2010 Professional is known as the "Office system"
Post a Comment