Next Deployment......

Let's get to the point. I have begun to pack up our shit. We have a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff went to good will today. I have tried to impress upon Adam that we don't have a ton of time to get all of this stuff done so for our first 4 day together we played Fallout 3... for four days straight, stopping long enough to pack one box of books and do some laundry. I justified this in my mind by thinking,"Weellll he hasn't played in over a month....." I had no self justification. Sigh.

So today I got after it a little more, I did some more laundry, ate some healthier stuff and cleaned and threw out some old papers. Lo and behold I found the first month's letters from the first deployment. I sat down and read them and I was amazed by them. They basically deal with the time in my life that I was graduating from college and all the great stuff I thought was going to happen and the cool person I was going to be. They were very sweet. I would say, like most relationships that the brand- new-ness intensity has worn off. This deployment I will be more seasoned and Adam keeps assuring me it will be much safer.... and it will probably be a little safer. Adam ended up being shuffled around and he will be going to a slightly different place with a different job and perhaps it will be safer. Regardless I am not sure how much frantic letter writing will be going on. Last time I sent him a lot of care packages and this time I am not sure I will have the money to spend quite as much as I did last time. Besides I am going to have to come up with something more meaningful to send to him-- something more useful and exciting. If I figure out what that could possibly be I will let you know, but I am not holding my breath.

Looking at my options now and what I could have done and what I did do in this time that he has been deployed and then home, I feel like if I had done x then now I would have option y to do or use or whatever, but there is no way to have know what I know EXCEPT for to do the things I have done. It is quite hilarious, I am waiting for my BIG moment when I am going to do the super cool thing I am going to do or be or that is going to "define my life," but I am pretty sure that it is in progress to and that to get there I am just going to keep doing what I am doing -- a lot of things that are not a big deal and are non life defining. I am taking what I learned, moving forward, enjoying the time I have.

Being married means a lot of sacrifices, but I am really enjoying it. My husband is is great and thoughtful (although at times picky and childish), and I am glad we are forging ahead together. I am definitely not AS scared for this deployment and I think that is for several reasons.
1) I have done this before, fear of the unknown-- greatly lessened. 2) I have a better understanding of Army stuff in general and I am getting more comfortable around Army stuff (base included). 3) I am older and more sure of myself (wiser). There really is somethign about having seen more stuff and had more time on this planet that makes you feel more secure. Strange that. Anyways.

Off to make some elk burgers and to do soem other non-life defining earth moving moments. :)