It is all I can do..

to write in my blog tonight. You know sometimes being who you are in a place you don't fit in is just what you have to do. No more excuses. Lately it has been easier then in the past to be "who I am." Whoever the hell that is. I had a frustrating day. So I called my best friend Melissa and she let me yell at the phone for an hour. Very cathartic. I think that if I didn't have a friend like her, I would most certainly go crazy. She confirms that I am not going insane, that my circumstances sometimes don't make any SENSE and that if we were reversed I would tell her to quit her job, and she is right. I would. Maybe.

I truly believe that most things happen for a reason. I don't mean that there is some obvious destiny plan way that my life is supposed to happen. Instead I believe that God gives me opportunities to learn something, and that there is something that can be gained out of every situation, even if it is just that I must be building up good karma because I can't see any value in X. Or maybe I am supposed to learn to get myself out of bad situations. Whatever the lesson is supposed to be I am sure there is a lesson anyways. I have been learning a lot about myself this last month or so.

Melissa firmly believes that life isn't fair, and it is never so why get hung up in the fact that somethings are really unfair. I think that we should strive for fairness, even though it is not often achievable.

I tend to be responsible, at least I like to think I am. Unfortunately, people don't like responsible people is my conclusion. I have always been the "boring" goody two-shoes (where the hell did that saying come from anyways!?!?). In that way I am not adventurous or brave, I don't like breaking the rules or laws or not having a plan or taking responsibility for things that could get me into trouble. When people joe and laugh about the super stupid and irresponsible things they have done, it makes me feel ill. It's not funny, it is lucky that nothing worse happened. I know I am a down when I fail to find humor in theses situations. Sorry. I just cannot believe how irresponsible some people when they make their life choices. I don't find it funny when people joke about being married young and being clueless, making uninformed, selfish choices, and being miserable. That's just sad. I am not the type of person who can put on a smile and pretend like I think it is. I can't and I won't, there is no reason to.

Anyways, we had to take a very nice horse to vet because she got sick and we are all worried about her. I hope she gets better soon and doesn't need surgery. I am tired of being undervalued. But people make their choices, and maybe it is the right choice for them and they are being true to themselves, and you can't help them no matter how much you want to. Especially if they don't want help. Which is exactly what it feel like right now. I am glad I can see that I try to not take it so personally, because my feelings get hurt really easily.

Moving on! Adam got online last night and told me I MUST bring the trunk to Washington. Cool I am glad someone decided. I am trying to figure out how to get to Washington with my work schedule and I think I am just going to have to flat out tell them what I need to do, and not ask. I just have to make sure I am in the right mind set when I do that so I don't act childish. HMM food for thought anyways.

(( I had very bad grammar through out this blog post, I do apologize.))

UPDATE:: Just found out that the horse had to be put down. Going to be a REALLY hard day tomorrow.