Not human.....

Well Adam and I got our wires crossed (when you think about it-- it's kind of a bad pun) about when we are going to get online and we missed each other and I was trying really hard not to be disappointed about it and went to bed. I woke up this morning and no Adam. So I ate some breakfast and tried not to be bummed. Then he came online and I missed him cuz I was doing something (who knows what), but when I messaged him, he wasn't there. I was trying really hard not to be angry when I went to work because it isn't his fault. SO I went to work ad one of the guys I work with said to me, " You seem grumpy.. you okay?" and I tried really hard not be upset and I told him that I was mad, but it didn't matter and I would get over it. He seemed a little taken aback, but we went on our merry way.

Later I was explaining to my co-worker that having a boyfriend in the army inevitably leads to some unexpected or perhaps truly upsetting disappointing moments. Then I thought about it for a moment and I had been trying hard to not let myself get upset all day, I realized that at some point its not human to not get upset. That rational loving people who miss loved ones and have to deal with a lot of uncertainty are just going to get upset. It's a little crazy making.

On a totally different note someone left me a really nice comment and I just wanted to comment on some of the things she said. First: It is totally refreshing, amazing wonderful, comforting (at least to me) to read another army person's blog and realize that I am not the only person who feels this way! Even though some days it certainly does feel like it. Especially when someone points out a behavior that you have developed and you didn't notice before and you notice all the time now, like Kaylee's blog about seeing other soldiers in uniform and feeling strangely connected and at the same time distant (I am always afraid I will weird them out if I approach them and tell them my boyfriend is in the army).
Secondly, I think it is funny that she was searching Google for care packages stuff, and I did the EXACT SAME THING, though it was minimally helpful.
Thirdly, I don't know about other people, but him leaving for Iraq was absolutely horrid at first and then it didn't seem like the end of the world and now its just something I live with every day, kind of like cancer only MAYBE not as serious.
The weirdest thing for me is when he is deployed is telling someone that I am dating a soldier in Iraq. It seems to become part of your identity in a really really really bizarre way. Most people are sympathetic, sometimes you get special treatment, sometimes people ask questions or try to relate and lastly some people try avoid the whole subject. Anyways, thank you very much for your comment, it's nice to know enjoyed something I wrote. Good luck with your college friends, I have found them mainly to be not very understanding because they can't comprehend it. It's not that they don't want to it seems like they just can't. Meh I have one very dear friend who understands everything and she is great.