Second

When you are in the army life you are second. It is the way it is, the way it turns out at the end of the day. No matter what they say or promise or do. You are second, just like Non-Essential Equipment says in her intro. We are non essential.

Tonight we were sitting around the desk at CQ and the boys were talking about how the wives don't get it. On one level they are right, no matter how many books I read, shows I watch, questions I ask, I will never get it. Whatever it is. I get that "in the field" means they can't see you even if they are only 10 miles away. CQ means they can't be distracted and they can't leave the desk. I get it.

But then when is OUR time? When is our time not ruled by the army? When is the non arbitrary/stupidness time? Not now. Later maybe, but don't hold your breath. I am not angry, just observing. It is not about getting it, we don't get it because we don't to get it. No one wants to sit home alone at night, soldiers find ways to bend rules to keep wives happy, to keep peace on the homefront. In general, no we don't get it, because I for one, don't want to be reminded every second of every day, that I am the not main part of his life. I am the second part and for right now no matter how much either of us wish or don't to be true it is a reality. His army people spend more waking hours with him then I do as a general rule. Maybe some day this will be different for us.

Everytime I hear a civilian complain about their lives I jsut want to smack them across their face. You are choosing your lives. We are choosing as well, our choices are more limited and often have more serious consequences. When you marry into an army life youa re choosing the unfair life. The life where his job take precedence over your lives. So be ready. I get it. I don't want to get it, but I think I do for the most part.