The Roller Coaster

It's really late to me and I am really tired. I just finished driving from Colorado Springs to Weatherford, TX and I probably should just go to sleep. However I find if I tell myself I will blog in the morning whatever I was thinking about doesn't seem important enough to blog. On top of that, when you sit in the car on empty roads for 11 straight you can't help, but think. So I have been thinking all day in the uhaul about everything and I would definitely say that I think about Adam and stuff pertaining to Adam more than I think about anything else.

Dating Adam is like riding a roller coaster, sometimes we are going uphill of riding downward, sometimes it's exhilarating and sometimes it's scary. Have you been on a roller coaster and you just don't feel like you are strapped in enough? Like if you weren't holding on for dear life you could slip out of the restraints and fall? I feel like that sometimes. I am committed to riding the relationship out, but sometimes I feel like if I don't hold on tightly that it is going to slip away from me. That's a worrisome feeling. During my driving today I couldn't quite pin down why I was feeling that way. I have felt sort of disconnected because Adam and I were trying to find a way to talk since a box of ammo fell on his skype headset and it doesn't work currently. So after being frustrated by the lack of good internet, when we finally did talk I forgot all the stuff I was going to tell him and I didn't really have much to say. This a very irritating cycle. I woke up in the middle of the might and I saw he was online, but since I needed to get on the road today I told him that I couldn't talk because it was 2 am. He wasn't on this morning when I got up, no message, so I am assuming a black out, and no message tonight. Some days it seems almost more than I can take. So angry making sometimes, I hate the whole situation top to bottom. I hate the military, I hate the fact that he signed up, I hate having to move by myself, I hate being tired and only getting to talk to him by im, I hate when things break and I have to help him replaced them because finding the right thing is important then waiting for him to get it, I am just fed up with the entire system!

Just have to look for the next big uphill on the roller coaster, it's out there you have to hold on for dear life until you get there...