Movie trailers make things not seems so far away. I saw Alice in Wonderland in 3D with Adam's younger sister Becca. It was pretty good. It was a little flat for me, a little empty. Actually the best thing about the whole dang movie was the trailer for Tron. I didn't like the first one and the new one looks meh, maybe it will be good. I noticed the release date for the movie is 12.17.10. Adam will be home then. We can see it together. I was so excited I almost jumped in my seat I was so excited. I feel like I may be over the hump. It almost feels like he may come home soon.
It's like the first signs of springs, but instead it's the first signs of the end of the deployment. Hey-- I'll take what I can get.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Telephone
He called or rather imed me while I was driving. I hurriedly pulled over to the nearing parking lot and told him to call me. Apparently it's been busy in Iraq. I said,"Really?" He said,"Um yeah honey, watch CNN. It's all over the news..." I told him matter of factly,"I don't watch the news." I don't like to watch the news for a number of personal first hand experiences on how the news can be spun. Plus if anything important happens to my husband, I will hear about it from the Army loonnnngggg before the news. Why get worried and work up about something that probably didn't even happen in my husbands sector.
I watched the news a little bit, last deployment. When Adam told me how off it was it was a huge relief to stop watching the news. I'll read the news myself at news.google.com sometimes. Mostly I hear about things word of mouth. That's just the way I am.
So I feel a little better at having heard from him; it definitely lightened my day. I had a long day in the car driving from Fort Collins to Lander, WY and back. 10 hours in the car. Tomorrow we are headed for Arizona via Albuquerque. Going to be a long trip. I am tired just thinking about it.
I drove my husband's car today and that was pretty lonely. It seems like every little memory lately makes me burst out in tears. It's strange. I have counted the months off on my hands over and over trying to convince myself that I am past the half way point, but I am pretty sure no matter how I spin it, I am about half way through. I keep telling myself the last couple of months will go faster...... that I am over the hump... I am just going to keep telling myself that. It's easier that way.
Ha ha, my biggest dog Mac is running and yipping in his sleep. It's very funny to watch. Anyways. NIGHT
I watched the news a little bit, last deployment. When Adam told me how off it was it was a huge relief to stop watching the news. I'll read the news myself at news.google.com sometimes. Mostly I hear about things word of mouth. That's just the way I am.
So I feel a little better at having heard from him; it definitely lightened my day. I had a long day in the car driving from Fort Collins to Lander, WY and back. 10 hours in the car. Tomorrow we are headed for Arizona via Albuquerque. Going to be a long trip. I am tired just thinking about it.
I drove my husband's car today and that was pretty lonely. It seems like every little memory lately makes me burst out in tears. It's strange. I have counted the months off on my hands over and over trying to convince myself that I am past the half way point, but I am pretty sure no matter how I spin it, I am about half way through. I keep telling myself the last couple of months will go faster...... that I am over the hump... I am just going to keep telling myself that. It's easier that way.
Ha ha, my biggest dog Mac is running and yipping in his sleep. It's very funny to watch. Anyways. NIGHT
Monday, March 8, 2010
Death by Missing Someone
Do you think it's possible? I am beginning to think so, it certainly feels that way. I need a hug from Adam in the worst way. As I drive down the road it's like there is this little mantra in the back of my mind that is saying,"I need a hug. I need a hug. I need a hug..." It's very strange and distracting.
It has been a WEEK! Now I have gone longer then that without hearing from him before and I am sure other wives have also, but some how this week without a word is almost unbearable. What is kind of amusing is even when we do talk we don't really talk about much. I try and tell him what is going on here and he tries to understand and be helpful. Really though, we just say a lot of nonsense stuff and I love yous. Some how not being able to talk about even the nonsensical things is making me crazy. Sigh oh well.
I watch a lot more tv when Adam is gone. Not a little more A LOT MORE. It's like I binge on TV. In some ways I LOOOVVEEEE TV. I will watch it all weekend straight, and recently most of the weekdays as well; I am glued to it. I think it makes me forget about about everything and leave it all behind. It definitely has a drug like effect on me. Who needs alcohol -- I have television. Few calories, even few hungover feelings. For some reason I am really really tired. I had sort of a stressful day and tomorrow I will have another stressful day so I think I am going to catch some sleep (yeah my 9'o clock bedtime has rolled around and I am exhausted....how embarrassing)
GOOD NIGHT everyone and please Adam, find some internet soon. I am going crazy over here.....
It has been a WEEK! Now I have gone longer then that without hearing from him before and I am sure other wives have also, but some how this week without a word is almost unbearable. What is kind of amusing is even when we do talk we don't really talk about much. I try and tell him what is going on here and he tries to understand and be helpful. Really though, we just say a lot of nonsense stuff and I love yous. Some how not being able to talk about even the nonsensical things is making me crazy. Sigh oh well.
I watch a lot more tv when Adam is gone. Not a little more A LOT MORE. It's like I binge on TV. In some ways I LOOOVVEEEE TV. I will watch it all weekend straight, and recently most of the weekdays as well; I am glued to it. I think it makes me forget about about everything and leave it all behind. It definitely has a drug like effect on me. Who needs alcohol -- I have television. Few calories, even few hungover feelings. For some reason I am really really tired. I had sort of a stressful day and tomorrow I will have another stressful day so I think I am going to catch some sleep (yeah my 9'o clock bedtime has rolled around and I am exhausted....how embarrassing)
GOOD NIGHT everyone and please Adam, find some internet soon. I am going crazy over here.....
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Generation Me -- Recent Read
Excellent book. Makes me wonder if I have been brain washed all my life to think I am special and that I can do anything. On the flip side I wonder if the author is overly negative. The book is about how "Generation Me" i.e. people born in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, are entitled and think they are capable of anything. I am entitled and I think I am capable of anything. See?? Seee??
The author goes on to show that we are struggling to survive with two incomes most people can't afford to have children. It used to be families afforded their lifestyle on one white collar or blue collar income. Nowadays you can't afford anything without two incomes. She also talks about how we spend more time alone then any other generation. She talks about why we as a generation are so blase about politics and social movement. We were taught to be different and stand out and we don't join social groups. Anyways, while I don't always agree with her conclusions (especially that we as a whole need a reality check to bring our expectations in line with realities), I do agree sometimes we set ourselves up for failure. I highly recommend the book it was excellent.
I am working on my own self esteem to make sure I sound like I sound sure of myself. No more well I thinks, buts, I believes, just shoot from the hip. Talk slow, don't laugh too loud, take deep breaths. Actually know what you are saying. Ha very funny. I know what I am saying is good. I am just young. Oh well. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
No word from the meeper. :( Very Sad. He'd know what to say. He always does. That's why I love him. Sending my heartfelt thoughts out to other deployed couples. Hope you are getting through it okay too.
The author goes on to show that we are struggling to survive with two incomes most people can't afford to have children. It used to be families afforded their lifestyle on one white collar or blue collar income. Nowadays you can't afford anything without two incomes. She also talks about how we spend more time alone then any other generation. She talks about why we as a generation are so blase about politics and social movement. We were taught to be different and stand out and we don't join social groups. Anyways, while I don't always agree with her conclusions (especially that we as a whole need a reality check to bring our expectations in line with realities), I do agree sometimes we set ourselves up for failure. I highly recommend the book it was excellent.
I am working on my own self esteem to make sure I sound like I sound sure of myself. No more well I thinks, buts, I believes, just shoot from the hip. Talk slow, don't laugh too loud, take deep breaths. Actually know what you are saying. Ha very funny. I know what I am saying is good. I am just young. Oh well. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
No word from the meeper. :( Very Sad. He'd know what to say. He always does. That's why I love him. Sending my heartfelt thoughts out to other deployed couples. Hope you are getting through it okay too.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Sleep is goooooodddddd........
I go to bed really early now. I get up really early now too. This morning I accidentally got up at 5:30 (?) and let the dogs out and while I was up and watching the dogs out the window I thought,"I should feed the horses, I feel pretty awake." So I put on some more clothes and head outside, feed our ponies and give them their quick rubs. I come back in grab soem dog food and shuck the outdoor- hay filled clothes and jump back under the covers. Then I look at my phone, it's 6:38. I think "f**K! What am I doing up this early?!?!?" I thought it was a lot later. Sigh.
Sleep is the only time when I see Adam with out worrying. In my dreams I think he is actually there with me. I don't know he is halfway around the world. I wake up and I don't really remember what I was dreaming, but I wish I was still asleep. Sometimes I think I would sleep until he comes home if I could.
One thing that is really funny is when the dogs start acting tired, I tell them,"Bed!" and they jump up from their sleepy places and run into the bedroom and go lay on our bed. It's pretty humorous.
Well I am going to bed, pleasant dreams....
Sleep is the only time when I see Adam with out worrying. In my dreams I think he is actually there with me. I don't know he is halfway around the world. I wake up and I don't really remember what I was dreaming, but I wish I was still asleep. Sometimes I think I would sleep until he comes home if I could.
One thing that is really funny is when the dogs start acting tired, I tell them,"Bed!" and they jump up from their sleepy places and run into the bedroom and go lay on our bed. It's pretty humorous.
Well I am going to bed, pleasant dreams....
Friday, March 5, 2010
Acceptance
I received Adam's acceptance letter to CSU today. I was so happy I danced around the room. Then I got in my car and started into town and couldn't stop crying. He is supposed to be here. Dancing around the room, celebrating, telling me how great he is going to be. He is going to be great, I am so proud of him.
I haven't written in a while: various reasons. When people start reading the blog you feel obligated to write for them. Then I realized lots of people were reading it and I felt a little self conscious. Lastly, this deployment has been very similar to last deployment. Lots of waiting. People telling me they appreciate our "sacrafice" and to tell Adam thank you and all I want to do is scream at them they are not welcome, but instead I say politely I will pass the message along.
Sigh. It's been a long deployment. I am really ready for R and R and it can't come fast enough. Well regardless, ADAM CONGRATS! I love you.
I haven't written in a while: various reasons. When people start reading the blog you feel obligated to write for them. Then I realized lots of people were reading it and I felt a little self conscious. Lastly, this deployment has been very similar to last deployment. Lots of waiting. People telling me they appreciate our "sacrafice" and to tell Adam thank you and all I want to do is scream at them they are not welcome, but instead I say politely I will pass the message along.
Sigh. It's been a long deployment. I am really ready for R and R and it can't come fast enough. Well regardless, ADAM CONGRATS! I love you.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Change, but not that much change.......
People change as they get older, they grow apart, they grow together. I have always believed that if you are not actively attempting to grow towards each other you are growing away from each other. Sometimes you look at couple 30 years down the road and you realized they have grown apart and they have compromised for a long time, but the apart-ness is too big of a void.
I always try to make sure that Adam and I are doing things that are together, I play more video games now because he likes video games, and when he is home we go to the movies more. I love these things, and because he loves them to I have let that part of me be cultivated.
Living in Fort Collins now with my horses and my dogs shows me several things though. I have changed, but not that much. I still love to ride and I love to cook and I am pretty much the same person I was in high school. Caring about most of the same stuff. I mean now I want a job and more adult things, but I still find much of the same stuff I did in high school enjoyable.
When people I haven't seen for a while ask me what or how I am doing, I always say I am pretty much into the same stuff. I always think its funny when people expect other people to change. They will change, but not that much.
I am really enjoying my horses and the warm dry air here. I have a couple more pieces to fit in the puzzle and then things will be as perfect as they can get with Adam being away.
I always try to make sure that Adam and I are doing things that are together, I play more video games now because he likes video games, and when he is home we go to the movies more. I love these things, and because he loves them to I have let that part of me be cultivated.
Living in Fort Collins now with my horses and my dogs shows me several things though. I have changed, but not that much. I still love to ride and I love to cook and I am pretty much the same person I was in high school. Caring about most of the same stuff. I mean now I want a job and more adult things, but I still find much of the same stuff I did in high school enjoyable.
When people I haven't seen for a while ask me what or how I am doing, I always say I am pretty much into the same stuff. I always think its funny when people expect other people to change. They will change, but not that much.
I am really enjoying my horses and the warm dry air here. I have a couple more pieces to fit in the puzzle and then things will be as perfect as they can get with Adam being away.
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