This Economy

So I have been reading the Army Times lately and one thing that caught my eye was that combat veterans from the "War on Terrorism" have a super high unemployment rate: 21%. I am glad to say that Adam is applying to college after this. I mean I understand there isn't much call in the civilian world for the skills they possess, but still that means a 1/5th of combat veterans don't have jobs.

So I have been out of work lately myself and I am sure many can empathize that two people (and their dogs and their horses) living on a single income leaves a lot to be desired. So I have been trying to find a job for a variety of reason one of which is that it wouldn't hurt to have some extra cash around. I got a temporary research jobs at the college where I graduated from studying starving bacteria (otherwise known as GASPing only for my experiment we are using V. fischeri rather then E. coli) and I am enjoying it, but possibilities abound after Oct 15th-20th or so when the project should wrap up. I am going tomorrow to Fort Collins (which is not a base) to look at some rooms for rent in houses.

Place A
The first is a small house(3 bedroom / 1500 sq ft), and I would be able to rent a room for around $350, and she has a dirt arena and barn. She has agility and herding dogs and we seem to have a lot in common. There is also another "roommate" who is a horse trainer but he may not stay if I move in, if I take he spot he might have a better place to stay and would take the opportunity to break his lease. She is looking for a year lease and I have not talked to her about the necessity for a military clause yet and I don't know how she will take it.

Place B
The other place has a room for $450 and around pen and a barn and two other roommates (both women) and and pastures for the horses and a storage shed behind the house and a fenced in yard for the dogs. She also mentioned there were quite a few good close places to go riding, including trails right off the property. The women who owns this house is moving to Colorado Springs (to be with an Air Force Guy) funnily enough and internet and cable is included I believe (the other place has internet no tv). Also she mentioned that if I wanted to get my stuff out of storage she would move her living room furniture to Colorado Springs and I could move in my furniture. This will only be possible if there is quite a bit of room for furniture, but on the other side I could my very comfy queen bed back. Anything that doesn't fit will either have to be stored or gotten rid of, not to mention I will have to move it all/ figure it all out by myself. I explained to her that I am army and will break the lease if Adam comes home early, she said that was not a problem. So that was nice.

So back to the job thing I was thinking about applying for grad school. Studying for the GRE's has been brutal. I am normally pretty darn good at standardized testing, but this has not been easy at all. I have already studied over 3-4 hours and I know I am not even hitting the tip of the iceberg. I need to practice all three subjects and learn a ton of vocab and practice writing essays. I see now why people can take a year to study for this exam. I made an appointment with the career center here to get some help applying to grad school. I obviously want to go to CSU since that is where Adam will go if he gets in, which I think he has a good chance. Thought to be fair in times like these more people then ever apply to college and grad school so getting in to either school is not going to be a walk in the park.

To more fun things, I found a place to do agility tomorrow and I am scheduled for 9:15am so I am very excited. Then I have to run by the lab and check on the experiment (do a quick dilution series) then off to Fort Collins, to be back to feed a friend's fish, cats, and dogs. I am doing some house sitting in exchange for being able to use internet, cable and washing machine. :D

That's all for now, so if anyone knows anyone in the Fort Collins area that is looking to hire a biology (think research/lab) or computer science major(think programming / customer service), they say networking is the best way to get a job. Brrrrr I should get something to eat.... MMMMMMmmmm

Denial- not just a river in Egypt

So you're right ;) I haven't written in a month. I have to remember why I do this, do I do it for me or do I do it for you (dear reader lol)? A little of both, I am not going to make excuses sometimes a blog is like a commitment and I am not sure it is one I would be willing to uphold for the entire duration of the deployment.

Regardless, my excuse is that I am in denial that he left, I don't really want to believe it, but as I got all of his clean laundry back from the laundromat and I begrudgingly acknowledged that I will put his clothes away in a suitcase so I can have some more room in our tiny travel trailer and inevitably I don't want to do it, but I know I will. I am back down to the week count and in another day he will have 50 weeks left, and its better then 52 weeks and that's all I look forward to.

I am not going to lie, this deployment is easier. I know what to expect and I have faith he will come home safe and we are married so I have a lot more rights and responsibilities. I have recently stopped promising myself out to people because I realized that I was just being used as the doormat no matter how I felt about it. I am 24 years old and for once I feel like I can be "the responsible adult" without being obligated to be. I used to always feel the other way around. It comes more naturally now and its less hard (I say that as I know I have a sink full of dirty dishes). I have never really lived what I perceive as the quiet life, going home early going to bed early, reading, a lot self motivated studying, cooking, spending time with my dogs.

I am truly free to do whatever I want now. I mean I have to look after our stuff and our dogs, but beyond that I am free to roam as long as I don't spend any money lol. People just don't understand my lifestyle, they like to be anchored to something they feel like they can depend on, but really for me right now with Adam gone the only thing I can depend on is me. It used to feel desperate and lonely and it doesn't feel that way anymore. It feels quiet and peaceful, thought I have to say, it did NOT feel that way last night at 3 am when there was something from the broken awning flapping against the trailer int the howling wind scaring the dogs and keeping us all awake. I thought to myself where the heck is and why isn't he here to fix it. I dealt with it this morning. Ugh.

Anyways right after Adam left everyone (including Adam himself)called me and asked me if I was "okay." I was like sure I am "okay," how would I display not "okay"-ness? And honestly what would you do if I wasn't "okay"? My Dad gave me a big hand by staying with me after Adam left (in my little trailer!!) and helping me drive and helping me pay for somethings. it was really nice. I am here on my own blowing wherever job and housing take me. I am not so sure I want to spend Dec/ Jan in Colorado in my trailer. I know it can be done,but I am not feeling that brave and I need to get our stuff out of storage so I get all of our winter clothes out or I am going to freezer by buttocks off.

My big plan means I am just going to go with whatever works and seems to fit. I am aware that most people don't run their lives that way, but that's where I am going.